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Hi, I have a question about a recurring condition of the nervous system that’s caused me tremendous pain and suffering in this life. It started after I had a spiritual awakening 16 years ago. The first time it lasted 3 years 6 years later it came back and lasted 2 and a half. Both times the fallout in my life was tremendous. Last time I lost my fiancé, home, pets, job. It’s left me with complex trauma but God always brings me off the mat. I’ve just been getting my life in a better place and now it’s happened again. At each point I had prior a big spiritual opening but when in terrible constant pain it’s like I devolve into this creature who feels God is a million miles a way and superstition, fear, despair and confusion set in. Sadly it seems it has started up again. I have no resentments towards anyone in this life and I have a lot of love for all beings I feel it’s God doing the loving I see all that as Grace  but to go though this again and now at 51 and seeing opportunities in life pass me by I feel so much fear and anger for what feels like a cruel game. I’m just not sure how much more capacity for suffering I have left. I don’t know where or how to turn. Rely solely on God? Try as many healing modalities as I have resources for hoping they help and God is what brought me to them? It’s hard not to feel cursed. I feel like Job. The condition’s only supposed treatments are terrible medications with awful side effects other than that just time and now it seems it may be something chronic that will always be lurking in the background. The pain up and down my spine the indescribable burning sensations. The inability to sit still even though I’m exhausted. Is this the only way for me to be closer to God? I feel scared and forsaken. I’m sorry to write about such a dark topic, I just don’t know what to do. Thank You for any light you shed on this matter for me
John
John,
First we are hoping that you get healthy and soon.
Second, you have found a strong group of students studying with our teacher Rav Laitman an authentic kabbalist who received the method from his teacher the Rabash who received the method from his teacher Baal HaSulam the great kabbalist back in an unbroken chain for 1000s of years.Our goal is not to suffer.
But we do need to grow, to develop.
On the one hand you need to do what you must regarding normal health. For example if a car needs an oil change or a new transmission, praying doesn’t fix that, you need to do what you need to do.
And also there is spiritual work.
I recommend that you take out a piece of paper or a journal and write down what is your spiritual goal.
It can be one paragraph or one page, be clear and accurate. Open your heart to what you want from that point that is awakening from that place.
We always need to calibrate ourselves to the perfect, spiritual reality that exists outside of our perception.
You are not cursed, it’s not a cruel game. These are our perceptions of how far we feel from the perfect reality.
After you write your spiritual goal, start speaking to the Creator like He is your best friend.
Tell Him that you want to be healthy so that you can be a pipeline for His light in this world.
Keep speaking to Him.
I hope to hear good news from you,
Seth@KabU
I really feel that everyone is asking all of my questions and that Seth is answering them. Â Thank you to everyone who is contributing to my understanding. Â Wow.
William,
You will hear some things from that book.
In general, all of the books that we learn together are only the ones that are related to our transformation, specifically in this time.
We are a group of students with a teacher, a kabbalist from an authentic line of kabbalists who are studying to reach spiritual attainment, adhesion with the Creator.
We study according to the method of Baal HaSulam, specifically his Sulam commentary on the Zohar, the Study of the Ten Sefirot which is his commentary on the ARI’s Tree of Life, and some of Baal HaSulam’s other articles and the articles. This is generally the study from above to below. The other part of our study is from books and articles by his son and disciple the Rabash which primarily deal with our inner work, meaning from below to above.
Seth@KabU
So I have watched this video and read the article multiple times and I think this may be one of the most beautiful concepts I have ever come across (I originally learned this concept in Tanya but now I see where it comes from). I do want to ask, when it is said that a person bears no responsibility for their actions, can that be rephrased or elaborated on. I understand that this doesn’t mean you can go around doing whatever you want, but can you break down within the context of this teaching how this is practically applied? Does it relate to the Havaya (personal providence) vs Elokim situation?
Tyrance,
Yes, this is related to Havaya and Elokim.
All in all it is the Creator doing all the work. And at the same time, we need to develop a feeling of Him doing all the work, as the King, so to speak.
Now we don’t feel Him at all. Do we feel that He is giving us air? That when we eat a sandwich do we feel that He formed this over billions of years and even before time He prepared this for this moment. That he is animating all of our organs and not just ours, but the creatures on the bottom of the sea and also whatever star is shining a billion light years away?
So, of course we don’t feel that.
It is like when we educate children. We prepare the game, we prepare all the area, we do everything and then we put the child there and give them the ball and say throw it in this hoop and then we move the hoop so the ball goes in. Later the child will be able to play, but for now we show them in baby steps so that the child can build in himself a structure of reality of where he is and what he needs to do.
So with us we need to go through all of the actions to build for ourselves who we are, where we are, what forces are operating on us, where it is guiding us.
And so at the beginning of each day (spiritual state) we say, if I am not for me then who is for me, meaning, I must do everything that is in my power to do. And at the end of the day (spiritual state) we say, there is none else besides Him and even if I sat all day on the chair I would have the same result as I have from going out to work.
Seth@KabU
Ok, so what I think I understand from this lesson is that prayer is not words, but a gut level need that is heard by the Creator – but I wonder after reading in Unlocking the Zohar by Rav Laitman, that we are accustomed to asking for fulfillment when we should be asking for correction – so, are there two types of prayer? The gut level need and prayers with words? Also, I never really paid attention before, but I have noticed that I don’t say a prayer before I consume food or drink – do I say a prayer of thanksgiving? I remember in childhood, I had to say ‘grace’ at the table before eating, and a prayer at night before going to bed, but honestly, they were both just empty recitations without any feeling to them – but should I start practicing this habit – I am still trying to understand prayer because after this short time of studying Kabbalah, it really isn’t what I thought it was or believed it to be – thank you in advance for any insight you can offer-
I would also like to say that it feels encouraging to have the rejection of the Creator explained – I have had a very emotional time since starting to study – I work in the Arctic on 7 week rotations but I like to be up early to study before work – well the internet is really a challenge up here and keeps cutting out in the middle of Tony Kosinec’s videos – I would say a “prayer” asking for the internet to miraculously come back on and when it didn’t, I felt so angry and defeated, after all, wasn’t I trying to draw closer to God – I actually thought to myself, well if Your so great, why won’t You help me? Maybe You don’t want me to study this – but then, because I couldn’t watch the video’s when I wanted, I started reading the Shamati and other writings by Rav Laitman, also Baal HaSulam. I had been working through my lunch breaks at work and would go all day without a break, but due to the internet being so bad at the hotel where I stay while up North, I decided to see if I could watch the video’s at work – and it worked! I was able to watch the lessons so it all worked out – I really don’t understand why I felt so emotional but this lesson really made me wonder if I was experiencing a rejection from the Creator – this lesson gives me hope.
Cyndi,
I’m so happy to read your story and your questions. I hope this response finds you well up there in the Arctic.
So now we have students on all 7 continents! :))
Let’s start with prayer. We are kabbalists so we study and speak about all of these things according to the wisdom of kabbalah. So what is prayer, what is good, evil, sin, etc. all of these things have left a lot of impressions in everyone. However here we need to understand them according to the wisdom of kabbalah. If we bring our definitions from other places we will get very confused.
Prayer is the desire of the heart. That’s it.
If we are dressed very modestly and we are holding an ancient prayer book and reading beautiful, ancient words composed by the sages and all the while we are thinking about what we will have for lunch, so our true prayer is about lunch.
On the other hand, if we are let’s say in the arctic somewhere and we can’t connect to the internet and we have these feelings that we need to be connected, we need to feel, to understand, to be whole, so this is our prayer.There is much we need to go through in this preparation phase to understand ourselves, the forces operating on us and the system we are in…how for example by saying words, a prayer for example with our mouths even if we don’t feel it yet in our feelings, but by this we can accustom ourselves to starting to feel. For example to speak to the Creator during the day and say, I want to be connected to You. Guide me to greater connection to You. Open my heart to love….all of these kind of habits help slowly, slowly to guide our emotions.
Regarding rejection. You discovered this already through your experience. Specifically through the “left rejects” it builds in us a desire.
If we feel fulfilled, then we don’t have room for prayer. We do have room for thanks and gratitude, but not an empty desire.
So we advance according to two legs.
On the left He grows … or we can say nature grows our desire and on the right the light fills the desire, we give thanks for it and then the next degree opens before us and we feel that the darkness is shining even greater. And we draw the light and the light shines in it.
As kabbalists we accostom ourselves to move through these changes quickly. On the other hand, you can see someone in the world who holds a grudge for decades or who wants revenge for 3 generations but for us, between the kabbalists..and keep this in mind, we are doing this work at first between the kabbalists, we go through all of the changes quickly and advance through many “generations” in one life.
Seth@KabU
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