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- Respuestas
I am a small part of the whole, through my efforts the whole world sinks and rises. Bringing myself to complete correction means bringing the whole world to this as well. So in as much as I am me I will to become a conduit to this end, contributing to the environment that can make it happen as much as I can with all that I am.
Very good question! the only issue is, I absolutely have No Idea. When I was a child growing up in Damascus, I was told and taught by that society that Israel (the state) was my enemy that took the land by force. In the 2 wars of 1967 and 1973 I was a child huddled in the basement from the sounds of the jets, the bombing, and bullets seeking shelter from conflict around me that I had no idea how it started, but hope that it will end. Something inside was telling me that I should leave and I was lucky to manage it. Leaving everything behind was difficult and hard, first to Europe then a chance to reached America in 1978. When legally got here, I thought I had arrived at my destination, but it was not so. I encountered other difficulties related to my heritage and still do today.
I found Kabbalah in Oct 2019, I have not been able to stop learning it, but find it extremely difficult to belong to a group that I was taught as a child that it is the enemy that caused all my trouble. In fact, I find it very difficult to belong to any group and trust them as having the answer for me, because if I believed in the environment that I grew up in as a child, I would have grown up as someone who is dedicated to the destruction of a society that has the in it the seed of the first teaching that touched my heart (Benai Baruch).
I feel ashamed for hating the State of Israel before 2019 and blamed it for my shuttered life as I was taught and told by my environment; I feel guilty for abandoning the culture I grew up in despite the lies they told me; I feel that I have failed despite what America calls a great success of coming from nothing and managed a good life; I find it hard to trust any group and count heavily on my mind and reasoning which had steered me away from all the trouble that I was born to live in. But there is something in me that cannot stop reaching for the teaching, and a HOPE through prayers that I can overcome all these difficulties some day. All that brings me to the question: what is my Role? which can only be found by knowing the Purpose of my life, and the answer is: I have no idea.
Every time I approach the study and commit to, I get that PUSH that Toni talked about in week 4 (second concealment) which sends me thinking, is this the push from the Creator to bring me closer, or I just do not have the Point in the Heart that is required as a precondition to be part of this group? So I am left with doubts frozen between earth and heaven and hoping that my prayers will be answered and finally show me my Role and which fork in the road He wants me to take to reach the ultimate goal? After all, I am told that “..There is none else beside Him…”
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