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The thing that bless my mind is that after thinking about the lessons for an hour or even a couple days, I realize not only is that absolutely true but ‘I’ knew it already! I think to myself, I’ve already this out but I know I haven’t. I mean some things have been revealed but the whole methodology, dare I say, ‘resonates’ deeply to my soul!!!
While reading the assigned texts and trying very hard to intellectually understand the ?” mechanics ” of the Kabbalah, I had a moment of total frustration and anger ( the black cloud!).
I questioned everything.
Stream of consciousness as follows :
This is crazy !
This is gobbeldygook!( madness)
Why would anyone make anything so completely counter intuitive and unachievable?
How many people have made it to those spiritual levels since the dawn of time?
100? It must be pretty lonely up there !
If this is how enlightenment or spiritual ascendancy is achieved, it makes no sense…it is at every turn a Catch 22, you can have X but you need X before you can get X !!
(Catch 22 : is an impossible situation because you cannot do one thing until you do another thing, but you cannot do the second thing until you do the first thing. From the novel Catch 22 by Joseph Heller ) .
You must become like the creator to know the spiritual world …but you cannot do that because you are at your core the opposite of this creative force.
You must be like the creator to attempt equivalence of form , but he will not reveal himself to you until you have at least a degree of equivalence of form ??
I think I have an understanding and then I read a new piece of information and Im utterly confused.I wander in and out of despair as I ponder the utter impossibility of actually achieving any of these levels.
MMMM maybe Ill do that Ancient History Course instead!In this frame of mind I began the final reading from “Attaining the Worlds Beyond ” and strangely it was as if it was written exactly for me and no doubt for many other students, both historical and current
; ” when with our entire being we feel that we have exhausted all possibilities and all powers , only then do we realise that only creator can help” Pg 431.I do not believe in the scheme of world history, my attempts to reach the creator are in anyway comparable to the many who have gone before me, saints , sages and wise men, and of course those who still search today …. My efforts are minuscule by comparison.
However I understood in that flash of insight that this is the circle you must travel again and again to an understanding of your place, an understanding of the enormity of the ?? creator, the force of nature we are longing to know & rejoin, and how hard it is for us to grasp that force and go with it.
There is no way to “think” yourself to that understanding.
I had a profound sense that the journey will be long and I will have many more moments of despair, anger, darkness, but my thoughts are…. what other path would anyone take ? the light is the only way.I was able to relate better to the story of the artisans that had wisdom and knowledge to complete the articles needed for the Holy Tent of Meeting. I often wondered what made them special but after this series I think that their connection or need to bestow was greater than ego. How many times have a received instructions but my own ego moves me to complete the task in my own way.
I think that the instructions are very much like the 613 laws, created in love for those that will value and follow the pattern…Â Thank you all for the excellent journey?!
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