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- Respuestas
I found this week to be challenging but all inspiring, to be able to see the work ahead and how it must progress has given me renewed excitement and a position to move forward in, being able to share my work with family has given them the chance to question me with regards to what Kabbalah is and what it can do for them.
I am very thankful to learn about the spirituality of connection, and I am impressed by its inner logic. I feel a bit torn about the linear description of development, as life often doesńt seem to follow linear processes, but I am also getting that there will be enoughs ups and downs in each phase, setbacks includes, in order to grow, because these dynamics may be inherent at any stage. Kabbalah right now feels very natural, and true, but also different to what I knew and learned about spirituality before, and the quality of how it feels or works in me is very different to what I felt so far. Therefore, itś kind of saying goodbye to some warm/ heartfelt connection that I used to gain easily, and changing it to something I have not even attained yet.. that is a big decision. However, I am also getting this focus on connection and atruism is what has always been missing, and therefore I feel very confident to be on the right track, and so far it doesńt matter to me which stage I am in, because all I would like to do, is to give this process a chance to focus my intention on bestowal, the chance to share that development with others.
I had a dream earlier this week. It was intense, 1st person. This teaching helped me to identify it as a memory from a previous incarnation–one that deposited an unexplained fear that I have always experienced in my “basis/bed” in this current state of development. During the teaching I recognized it as the ultimate final stage of the double concealment. In this life I have been able to make spiritual progress more rapidly in the single concealment.
I am so very grateful for the teaching of Kabbalah at this stage when I want the truth and it is bit by bit now setting me free. Thank you for showing me the providence of Elohim. Lead me on through the preparation and across the barrier! 😁
Like others here, I also enjoyed the new way we’ve been shown to understand the Bible stories. Makes me want to go back and read them again. Also like some others here, I’m hearing echoes of spiritual traditions I’ve followed earlier in this life – especially advaita vedanta. The idea that Reality/the World is not the problem, but that it is simply our misconception of it that is the issue, seems to be a common theme which is key to many genuine spiritual paths. Feeling this connection between paths I’ve studied in the past and this current course on Kabbalah makes me feel like the Creator has indeed been guiding me to exactly this point all along. For me, the questions, “What’s it all for/Why am I here?” are being answered, more and more clearly, little by little, with each passing day. I’m actually beginning to feel the progress Upwards – not just think about it or wish for it. I’m so grateful.
I need to develop new terms for how I feel and what blew my mind. I started to study kaballah to gain more insight, become more spiritual, gain wisdom etc… now I find myself with more boundaries, more ego and more shame and disgust about myself than I ever had. It’s like a huge light beamed on me showing me only dark sides. Dark sides I was created to be. Kind of hard to swallow yet it feels just so real.
And it answers so many questions.
I have looked for since birth. I must have come in already into single concealment although I remember being way more connected as a child, way more aware. Then suffering started yet I didn’t give up, I kept looking and searching and I don’t ever remember blaming the Creator only for the shadows. I blamed it on my inability to understand, to see, to comprehend what was wanted by me and some occasional fights.
I thought I had it down. Nothing in this life is actually real? Of course not. I even had a comprehension of the root and branches albeit not as simple and sophisticated. I knew pain was a push.
Yet now I feel I know absolutely nothing. I see only desires. Big, mostly stupid and worthless desires I would do anything to fulfill. And some I do, and when I do I feel even more empty and stupid and worthless as I know that’s NOT what I really want but I can’t help myself.
I’ve never been a big shopper, never compared myself to many others, the occasional treat, some tech stuff I’d enjoy the upgrade but the intensity of my latest desires is insane! I want to buy anything and everything and for no good reason.
I understand, from my studies, this is useful to see my distance from the Creator, my make, and my limits, and I do ask for correction non stop and I do delete 99% of carts unless I can buy something FOR someone else to TRY and shift my intent.
But it’s HARD.
It’s exhausting.
And I feel like I’m failing every day, every moment.
I feel like a small child barely able to walk. Yet I want to run.
Anyhow, this was quite a rant but I felt like sharing. I love you all and I love even the hardest moments. I can’t wait to learn from the group and see what more my ego has to give! I guess…
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