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I also was a child when I dreamed that there must be more. I was reared in the Catholic environment by Nuns. The nuns didn’t like my questions. I always had more questions. My mother had a unique psychic gift and would answer many questions, but she didn’t have all the answers that I needed. At age 17 I had a life and death incident where I was saved and this incident created another surge of curiosity for the need to learn more. That drive to find something more brought me to this level. Now, I hope to learn more through Kabbalah.
As a child I asked those questions a lot and read many books of “super natural phenomena” and I rember clearly two times I had a feeling of connection with Nature/spirit/something greater than me. The first time I was about 4 or 5 and stared at a butterfly for a really really long time and I sort of drifted away from myself and felt I was one with butterfly and the place we came from. This happend again when I was 21 and had given up the search for answers, I was leying in the grass lawn, belly facing down and my head resting on my hand looking to the left, I realized that there was no way of telling wich blade of grass was the most important one for the lawn as a whole. Again I got a strange sensation of unity and belonging. It took me other people with similar experiences to begin to take those experiences seriously and start exploring “the spiritual”.
For myself, since childhood as well, though I didn’t know how to express it to others and kept it all inside me, as my own private world. As an adolescent, it occurred to me there could be answers in books, though I didn’t know there where more than the psychology books that surrounded me then. And psychology didn’t answer my existential questions, since it mostly deals with our egos, and searching the ego and the subconscious is endless and bottomless. I had a spiritually transformative experience in my mid 20’s that started me on my spiritual venture which I have been on ever since.
As a child I knew there was more to reality than the mundane vicious circle everyone was on. It took me years of searching what the world called wisdom to arrive at some form of realization. I tried answering the call several times, but it was almost as if I had the wrong code for what I was sensing and was so eager to move toward.
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