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In the cafeteria line as kid they always kept the dessert down by the register at the end. I could see there were two types of dessert. If by the time I reached the register there was only one type of dessert left, I would experience an acute sense of unpleasant internal physiological arousal. Even if the one type left was likely the one I would have chosen. I can see now that such choice wouldn’t count as free will, and almost none of the choices I’ve ever made really meet the criteria. It was an illusion. I do think that choosing an environment of association with people who have their internal on/off switch of spiritual desire flipped to “on” is a real act of free will.
From your lesson my free will lies in my ability to choose the environment that I wish to be in so as to grow but I am still trapped in this reality therefore I have no free will. What I have is the power to choose when I would like to begin the process of correction and to choose from among the many paths and teachers who present themselves, which is the correct one all this based on my limited perception of reality. Very confusing indeed.
So much of our lives moment to moment is informed and manifested from our matter, nourishment, and upbringing. Sometimes I feel that that which came before me is more of me than what I am now, and yet I am its arbiter on how it will be used and play out through the environments that I place myself in. Acting on the collection of these forces as a whole.
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