Hi. My name is Collen from Egypt. I am an Israelite metaphorically going to Jerusalem but lost some perception of the glorious path. I have been asking myself why I can’t succeed in the material plane yet physically and mentally gifted. I have a strong sense of rebellion and perceive life as a sold out material, and have a declination towards all religions and a deep sense of connection with a Qabalist torment kind of longing.. I feel insatiable with anything I currently see played out as reality.. And at a younger age I remember being taught secret powers without knowing of their inherent meaning until my quest for truth sent me through forbidden books in my country.. I can’t satisfy the desire to know know the creator without a veil of idolatry or religionism or philosophy and even theosoohy. I want to know the original point of becoming from 0 to 1.i can already perceive a sense of 0 negativity which is Nothingness which begot 1 the complete incomplete which is the Abba of all numbers… How do I move from here to there with my vague approach to the Mount Sinai.. I believe The whole reception is above human normal perception especially existentialism and materialism how far can I get wrong? I desire what I can’t define because It is not possible to define it. I hope you help me move from A to perhaps I could find 3 on my own feet once I get the foundation..