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Hi,
I have had the feeling in my life at times, that im just living the same life over and over. That all the choices i made have already been made and im just living out the story of my life. and if this was eternity it would already be done wouldn’t it? it would be done as soon as it started, because eternity has no beginning and no end.
It would seem this is true, if the end is already determined, and for some reason im made just to experience the process.
I dont like this because theres been alot of pain and suffering in my own personal life. Even though i have a fantastic life and have been blessed with so many wonderful things and so many wonderful people, and if i were to live this life again i wish i could have enjoyed it more, and been more grateful for the things i had been given.
So i naturally really struggle with the concept of free will. I know that i really “feel” like i have a choice, but when i look back i question weather there was any choice at all, because if i were to live the same life again i would make all the same decisions.
and it seems to me both the path of pain and the path of light are confusing, because if its supposed to happen in a conscious way, then god wouldn’t be giving me directions like do this and do that, because that would be to easy and wouldn’t require any conscious effort. would it?
But i honestly just feel lost when it comes to studying kabbalah, and i understand i know very very little, only re watching the kabbalah revealed series from time to time and reading some of the books. But the books are also a hard read for me, very very hard for me to grasp what is being said. Thats why im taking this course.
I guess my question is basically, how can i ever be confident in my intentions? or have confidence that im ever doing the right thing?
Basic free will implies a choice, and if its as simple as the path of pain or the path of light, how can i even choose when i cannot see where im going? or if i cant escape always making decisions for my own well being, how could i ever be useful to the greater whole? I realize im a part of something much, much bigger. how could i feel that i was making a meaningful contribution? because i would only be helping myself, my greater self, as a cell in the body, but i guess im a cell that wants to feel the joy felt in the body. i want no just to see but feel the goodness of what i do, and even in that is a selfish intention. But if i could never feel i was doing good i could never “know”, and i would be stuck doing the wrong things, and im afraid of being a cancer.
just how do i go about receiving in order to bestow? If theres no action i can take that can change anything, then would the feeling just be “i accept my life because this is what god wants for me.” or “i will live my life and make “choices” in my life to my best ability because this is what god wanted for me.” or else why would i be here?
Hi Oliver,
A lot of good questions here. What you’re experiencing is normal. We go through many different states on the spiritual path: many ups and downs, and everything in between. The main thing is to just keep going, to just keep placing yourself under the influence of the spiritual light, and the light will balance everything out.
The best way to do this is to just set aside some time to regularly return to the Kabbalistic writings, weekly lessons, videos, books, etc. Such a habit of regularly returning to the source of the light will help you throughout your entire spiritual development.
Check out this blog post from Rav Laitman for more details: https://laitman.com/2013/02/sunbathing-in-the-rays-of-the-reforming-light/
Also keep in mind that we should not be afraid of making mistakes. Spiritually we’re all like little babies. When a baby poops their pants or breaks something, no one is upset at them, that’s the level of what is expected of them. Likewise with us, we will make many MANY mistakes throughout the path. And that’s fine. We need to learn from them and keep going.
And furthermore, our very nature is egoistic. So naturally we’re not saints, no one is born corrected, and no one can truly make an action of bestowal. We’re all just aspiring towards those higher qualities. This aspiration is what is important. It helps us to extract more of the light, which is ultimately what turns this aspiration into reality.
Check out this blog post from Rav Laitman for more details: https://laitman.com/2012/03/building-blocks-of-the-first-spiritual-degree/
And lastly regarding free will, that is a topic that we’ll cover in depth in the second lesson of the next semester.
Albert @ KabU
Hey Albert! Thankyou so much for your response. I kind of wrote about this because my mind and feelings have been all over the place this last month but i really appreciate you getting back to me and sharing these articles with me. Ill keep these on my tabs to return to sometimes, but i really like the building blocks article.
Ive been ridiculed in the past for not being “genuine” or whatever and i always strive to reach deeper levels of honesty in myself. I like the concept of “fake it till you make it” but also i like being happy and sometimes i think its good to be happy too if it lifts up others instead of pulling them into my own misery if im having a bad day or whatnot.
I know were ahead on the next lesson now so i dont know if youll see this but i wanted to come back because i thought about this and didnt know if anyone responded to me so i wanted you to know that i do appreciate it very much.
Hi Joseph,
I do have a question at this point… Watching the video ‘Ask The Kabbalist With Dr. Laitman’ has confused me a bit.
At one point he talks about how one has to ‘choose’ between developing spiritually and developing in other fields of life.. however in earlier course material it was said that you dont necessarily need to ‘change anything’ in your current life… I might interpret this in the wrong way, but it seems to me that those two statements quite contradict themselves?
I do feel a strong desire to understand life and its meaning, this longing has been there for a long time and I have been chasing answers in different places… However I also would like to incorporate this in my current life, change perspectives etc… but still be able to enjoy what corporal life has to offer, live if fully, whilst being of service to others in need… I feel this needs to be in balance somehow. But this is not what I get from his answer…
Would you shine your light on this please?
Thank you!Greg
Hi Greg,
You’re right, we need to find a good balance between our corporeal lives and our spiritual aspirations. Without a good balance in our corporeal lives, we won’t be able to advance in spirituality either. This is called “no flour, no Torah – no Torah, no flour”.
Meaning a Kabbalist continues to exist on the level of this world throughout the entire spiritual ladder. So I cannot just turn into a monk and disconnect from this life and only focus on spirituality. On the other hand, if I only focus on corporeality, then I’m no different than an animal.
So the important thing is to find the right balance between the two: to take care of all of one’s normal necessities: to work, take care of the family, health, etc (this is called flour) and to set aside some time on a regular basis to focus on spirituality (this is called Torah).
And in the more advanced stages of our development, we will see how our day to day life helps us with our spiritual development.
Albert @ KabU
Shalom,
1- I just need an additional clarification on what does the Screen ( Masach ) do exactly ?
2- Does the Screen gives an indication on the level of attainment which one has reached ?
3- Is the Screen helping or hindering the process of reaching enlightenment ?
Hi Milo,
In order to perceive this world, we have the 5 senses, within which there is a certain screen that sends impulses to the brain to give us a perception of the world.
In order to perceive spirituality, we also need a screen. The spiritual screen (Masach in Hebrew) is an anti-egoistic screen. It’s the intention of bestowal that we place over the desires. Once we acquire that screen, in the corrected desires, we’ll be able to perceive spirituality. And the strength of the screen determines the spiritual level that we can attain thanks to it.
Check out this blog post from Rav Laitman for more details: https://laitman.com/2010/06/how-to-receive-in-order-to-bestow/
Albert @ KabU
Hi György,
The numbers all have their own significance. When a person attains spirituality, he begins to research it, and discovers all these numbers from his research. But what exactly is he researching, what is spirituality?
Essentially we’re always talking about a desire. Our current reality is based on our current nature, the desire to receive. Spirituality on the other hand operates according to a different desire, that of pure bestowal. The different numbers are just a different way to divide up that spiritual desire. This desire can be divided into 613 parts, or 620 parts, or 600,000 pieces, or 125 degrees, or even 10 sefirot.
It’s just like how we can study a person based on his behavior, or based on his anatomy, or based on his external appearance, or his internal chemistry. Ultimately we’re studying the same person, but from different angles. Same with these different divisions, they are all talking about the same spiritual desire but from different angles or a different scale.
So if we are describing the desire as 620 parts, then we’re talking about the number of corrections that need to be placed over the desire. This number is further divided into 248 desires of bestowing in order to bestow, 365 desires that operate on receiving in order to bestow, and 7 additional desires that are corrected only in the final correction. We’ll learn about this in detail in the more advanced lessons on KabU that deal with the structure of the upper worlds.
Regarding the 125 steps, the number 125 comes from the structure of the upper worlds. This structure is just a division of the spiritual desire that we need to correct into sefirot, partzufim, and worlds.
The most basic division of the desire is 1 Sefira. 5 Sefirot compose 1 partzuf. 5 Partzufim compose 1 world. There are 5 worlds in total. So 5 worlds each with 5 partzufim each with 5 sefirot equals 125 (5x5x5) steps on the spiritual ladder. This number symbolizes the gap, the delta, between our nature and the Creator’s nature.
Check out this blog post from Rav Laitman for more details: https://laitman.com/2010/11/numbers-indicate-quality-not-quantity/
Albert @ KabU
Hi Basma,
First we need to keep in mind that our very nature is egoistic, meaning it’s completely opposite to spirituality, to the Creator. And just like a PC cannot just reprogram itself to run as a Mac, we too cannot just change our own nature. We require outside help to make this change. This help comes to us from the light. The light is a special force that has the ability to change our nature. Our work essentially boils down to extracting more and more of the light, especially during the Kabbalistic studies, and it does all the rest.
So the most practical action that you can do towards reaching equivalence of form with the Creator is to set aside some time to regularly return to the source of the light, meaning to the Kabbalistic sources, videos, lessons, books, etc. Such a habit will help you throughout your entire spiritual development.
And in the more advanced semesters, we’ll learn how to do this type of spiritual work within the Kabbalistic group. The Kabbalistic group is like a lab where we practice manifesting the Creator’s qualities of love and bestowal. In the group we build a strong connection with other points in the heart that are together with us on the spiritual path. This becomes like a nucleus. Once we build that nucleus, we will be able to add to it wider and wider circles of the world, until we’ll come to include the whole world in that connection. But this is gradual work. And until we build that nucleus, we have nothing with which to do any spiritual work towards the world.
We’ll learn about these things in greater detail in the more advanced lessons, in the meantime, check out this blog post from Rav Laitman for more details: http://laitman.com/2013/02/sunbathing-in-the-rays-of-the-reforming-light/
Albert @ KabU
“I’ve heard you talk about working with a group of people, sometimes referred to as a group of ten, for study and spiritual work. Is this connected in any way to the traditional Jewish concept of a minyan? Why is this number significant in Kabbalah? And along with that, do Kabbalists generally keep kosher and observe other Jewish traditions, or is the focus more on the inner, spiritual aspects?”
MP
Hi Michael,
The number ten is significant in Kabbalah because it’s based on the 10 sefirot. A group of ten is essentially the smallest spiritual unit. This is similar to how our body needs a certain amount of organs for there to be life within it, likewise our spiritual body needs a group of ten for there to be spiritual life within it. And yes the group of ten is called a minyan.
As for keeping kosher and other observations, in Kabbalah we learn about the spiritual roots behind of all these things. There are those that choose to observe these things in corporeality as well, but it’s not mandatory.
Check out this blog post from Rav Laitman for more details: https://laitman.com/2014/11/the-only-ritual-of-the-kabbalist/
Albert @ KabU
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