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I love the idea of coming to the point where i am neither controlled by my lower nature nor by the Creator so that its up to me and my own intention (an individual uncoerced intention) to become like the Creator. To be in that place of complete free will and then make the choice for the path. Waw. That feels as the real achievement.
I’m amazed to discover that Kabbalah is not a religion, but a science of spiritual reality. The Creator is always good and unchanging, unaffected by our actions, and wants us to develop faith—not as blind belief, but as the quality of bestowal and alignment with the Creator. While physical blessings are part of life, the deeper goal is to become attuned to the Creator by developing a sixth sense—a spiritual faculty for perceiving the upper worlds. Kabbalah investigates this higher reality systematically: its discoveries are based on direct experience through the sixth sense, and its results are consistent and repeatable, just like any true science.
In this lesson, I understood in what way Kabbalah and religion differ by understanding what is prayer its purpose and the way it is used by religious people and Kabbalists respectively. I never reflect or thought about prayer this way! I found and felt that this explanation make sense. It was a revelation for me. At the same time I understand better how to pray and when to pray when our purpose is to attain equivalence of form with the Creator.
Slowly, the person’s sensation changes, and
the desire to receive personal satisfaction
wanes.
I can feel this change inside me. It’s a beautiful feeling full of peace and trust.It is fascinating to compare my experience this time to when I studied here 10 years ago. At that time I recall everything I learned seemed to have wrenching quality of being paradoxical and in jarring opposition to life as I knew it.
At the time I didn’t have a job and my family was really struggling to make ends meet. I think that maybe I used Kabbalah as a way to escape from the world, and that version of an internality emphasized the chasm between me and everyone and everything in my life. I ended up having to quit when my life hit the Emergency Eject button on me.
I had learned enough at that point to feel like I had a strong idea how the world worked, and it definitely did help me for all those years I was gone. I was able to approach everything from the standpoint that this is probably good if I just wait to see how it plays out. And it was. But I couldn’t get any closer. I didn’t get to participate in the meaning that Kabbalah imbued the world with.
Now that I am back here everything is different. I feel like this space was carefully prepared for me. It’s easy to be here and everything around me seems to support my studies. Everything that used to seem to contradict Kabbalah now fits perfectly in its place, as Kabbalah describes it.
Those last videos where the Rav describes the appropriateness of taking care of your life and getting to a sustainable and peaceful point in it before you begin to study… that makes so much sense now.
And this time I definitely get to participate. There is a humor to the process, and there are hints everywhere that everything I’ve ever dreamed of is not only possible, but probable, and inevitable.
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