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- Respuestas
I’ve been experiencing friction with regard to my study for almost 4 weeks; I avoid study sessions and I feel restless and distracted.
However, when I change my purpose from “I am aiming to correct myself” to “I am aiming to help the friends correct themselves and reach the creator” somehow I feel a subtle shift: motivation floods my system and I feel responsible. Despite the contradiction that I am but a face among billions, somehow I feel that you are waiting for me. The motion is like a loving ache, and I think “how could I have procrastinated on such an important journey?!”
I ask nature to help me remember.
What blew my mind are actually two things:
1) that we are part of an “experiment” 🙂 and that the group is the LAB
2) the concept of Super-Desire: I bestow the upper partzuf because I’m servicing it, and I bestow the lower partzuf because I care also for the lower degree. This is the way IÂ elevate the importance of the spiritual goal.
Throughout my learning of Kabbalah, I’m continuously asking myself “with this knowledge, how will I act differently?” I’m often in situations of conflict where I don’t know how to act, so I try to “figure it out according to how things really work.”
Most recently, when I’m in conflict with someone and we seem to have different needs, I’ve been trying to connect with the idea that their unique desires are perfect and exactly right for them, even if I have different thoughts on what they want. And the fact that I want something different is perfect too. Then I seem to try to show them that it’s ok that we have different wants, and that doesn’t mean we have to feel separate. But that seems to get stuck, and push them away. Eventually I throw up my hands and surrender to the idea that I cannot know how to be in this moment purely from my own wisdom, and try to open to the Upper Light. Sometimes inspiration comes, sometimes it doesn’t.
Something changed in my approach with this lesson that I’ve found very interesting. I’ve started trying to look at my perception that there is conflict, and ask “how am I not seeing the Truth in this?” In other words, rather than trying to describe the fact that the separation is an illusion to the other person, and getting on the same page, I’ve simply started meditating to connect to that fact strongly within myself. I’ve found that from this mindset, “proper” action seems to come much clearer to me.
I’m realizing that I’ve confused some ideas. I thought that correction of the collective soul meant trying to demonstrate we are a connected soul to others, half by demonstrating in oneself, and half by trying to show them. This week made it clearer the “trying to show them” doesn’t work, if at this time they don’t have sufficient yearning. The “trying to show them” was secretly my desire to be met in spiritual discussion and pursuit by others. Almost a “I’ll be altruistic if you’ll be too.” Now I simply bring this feeling back into myself, ask “how does this feeling show me I am not perceiving the Truth”, and let the rest happen.
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