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- Respuestas
What blew my mind are actually two things:
1) that we are part of an “experiment” 🙂 and that the group is the LAB
2) the concept of Super-Desire: I bestow the upper partzuf because I’m servicing it, and I bestow the lower partzuf because I care also for the lower degree. This is the way I elevate the importance of the spiritual goal.
Throughout my learning of Kabbalah, I’m continuously asking myself “with this knowledge, how will I act differently?” I’m often in situations of conflict where I don’t know how to act, so I try to “figure it out according to how things really work.”
Most recently, when I’m in conflict with someone and we seem to have different needs, I’ve been trying to connect with the idea that their unique desires are perfect and exactly right for them, even if I have different thoughts on what they want. And the fact that I want something different is perfect too. Then I seem to try to show them that it’s ok that we have different wants, and that doesn’t mean we have to feel separate. But that seems to get stuck, and push them away. Eventually I throw up my hands and surrender to the idea that I cannot know how to be in this moment purely from my own wisdom, and try to open to the Upper Light. Sometimes inspiration comes, sometimes it doesn’t.
Something changed in my approach with this lesson that I’ve found very interesting. I’ve started trying to look at my perception that there is conflict, and ask “how am I not seeing the Truth in this?” In other words, rather than trying to describe the fact that the separation is an illusion to the other person, and getting on the same page, I’ve simply started meditating to connect to that fact strongly within myself. I’ve found that from this mindset, “proper” action seems to come much clearer to me.
I’m realizing that I’ve confused some ideas. I thought that correction of the collective soul meant trying to demonstrate we are a connected soul to others, half by demonstrating in oneself, and half by trying to show them. This week made it clearer the “trying to show them” doesn’t work, if at this time they don’t have sufficient yearning. The “trying to show them” was secretly my desire to be met in spiritual discussion and pursuit by others. Almost a “I’ll be altruistic if you’ll be too.” Now I simply bring this feeling back into myself, ask “how does this feeling show me I am not perceiving the Truth”, and let the rest happen.
Definitely, the first workshop left the biggest impression on me so far. I was tense and somehow relaxed, as if I was on a slide of feelings and emotions. My thoughts came so fast that I could not verbally follow them. And I had an incredible need to communicate as if I had received the truth serum. And at one point I look there alone, but as if I’m not, I consciously literally have no thoughts, feelings and yet somehow filled with pleasure. It’s like I’m isolated in a vacuum. The first thing that started after that state was positive emotions and a sense of security. The support I had from a friend meant so much to me that any kind of gratitude would be small, just a constant desire to reciprocate their gratitude to let them know I was with them. Julian, who guided us through everything with emotions and attention, like when you address and encourage small children. Every time I came back from the chat room I was happy to see Julian again, I had a sense of security and confidence. That’s how it affected me and that’s how I felt. The word gratitude is nothing compared to the feelings I have and respect. I can say, these are the moments when people become a part of you forever.
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