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Is it common or natural that I feel anger towards God? That while reading the recommended readings for the second week I was disgusted, unpleased and I felt like some sort of a puppet in God’s game? If the truth is that I do not have free will, my nature is flawed, suffering of any form is somehow okay because God wants it etc. then I feel like a slave and pretty much wish I was not created. I didn’t ask for this or caused myself to be at this level of separation. I do not have a desire to be one with God or ‘to bestow’ necessarily, maybe I’d work for the same goals sometimes like care and bringing people together etc. but I do not wish to glorify God to a point of self hate to then be ‘blessed’ to be God-like.
I don’t get it, I feel angry but I want to know and see what more there is. I know that, as Tony said, we desire to act with no consequence, and I want to free myself of that level of being and instead work with God’s law and respect the rights of all beings God created, all of us as one, but I do not like this idea of becoming God-like and hate myself in order to finally understand God. I think my emotional reaction is coming from a place of seeing religious people abandon their connections to others, show no true care for those around them, or hiding behind religious acts to say they are ‘good’. I mean to some people self hate and self inflicted suffering is their idea of ‘I’m such a great human, God is going to reward me for all my patience’ when clearly someone on the outside can see that they are intentionally suppressing themselves and their ability to make good choices.
Initially when I wanted to know what Kabbalah was about I thought it would be more like a science and common sense that got buried. In this world, I can cut an apple, open a shell, swim in the ocean and begin to understand their parts, so why is it that understanding God or his intention is such a complicated thing? Why do I have to ‘correct myself”? God seems selfish to me, and if I were, which I may, accept that those thing written are the truth…I will feel a lot of pain that I am in fact a puppet in a game, maybe it won’t matter to ‘win’ anymore or understand anything. Then I’ll tell myself ‘right and wrong don’t matter, I’ll just praise God because he’s everything and I’m nothing, nothing in reality is real, I don’t matter, and I’ll bask in the things I love about life till I die. I hope I make sense and that this is normal.
Jasmin,
Totally normal and I’m happy for you.
If you are already angry at God, that means that you have a relationship with Him.
Look around, no plant, no animal, and most people are not having such a personal relationship with Him.
Now, let’s not lose the passion that you have, this emotional power, but let’s start to organize some things so that you develop in a more accurate way.
It takes a long time for dust to organize and develop, to be burned and frozen and squashed and stretched before some small particles arrange themselves into the first living cell and then much more time until plants develop and much more time until those pieces keep smashing and burning and earthquakes and fires and ice and time until some particles fit together in new ways and emerges animals and so on and so on until our ancestors climbed down from trees and started making houses and planting crops and then more time until just a few thousand years ago when someone finally said, “Who am I? What is going on here? What is the purpose of my life?”
So first of all, if you got to that point, you’re the vanguard, the tip of the spear of all of creation, so congratulations.
Now, what do we do from here?
Understand who you are and where you came from…there is much more to the story, most importantly what was before the dust and why this whole process, and we will learn about all of that in detail later, but from where we are today, start to understand that it’s not a small task to create a creature and to raise it to become like the creating force itself, to be totally selfless and endlessly loving, actually eternal in its properties.
Imagine you have a dashboard for your life, like a dashboard in a car, that measures your vitals. All the pain in our life is a measure of our distance from where we want to be.
You don’t have free will, you do have free will, these are just words right now.
Start with what is in your hands to do.
Write down in your notebook what you want from life, what you want from this path and understand that you found a place and a method to help you reach your spiritual goals.
If you are angry with God, write that down too. Tell Him why you are angry and what you want Him to show you.
He won’t change from this exercise, He is eternal and only bestowing, but this exercise and prayer in general calibrates us to His frequency.
Good luck and looking forward to hearing about your progress,
Seth@KabU
Religion seems to teach us that trying to be like the creator is some kind of “sin” (in lack of a better word) i know Kabbalah is not a religion but the science of spirituality, nevertheless religions incorporate spirituality to a degree. Here Tony says we aim to become like the creator, wouldn’t that be wrong? Or is it that we just aim to be like the creator in order to climb up the ladder but of course we will never be like him? I am a bit confused…
Yasmin,
There are a lot of religions, 1000s and each one has its own beliefs and some of them are very corrupted so we are not talking about them. We are talking about realizing the purpose of our lives.
As you study the sources together, we are learning that there is a force of bestowal, some force, we don’t know what it is yet, but something enlivens all of reality, lights every star, makes every heart beat. And on the other hand, there is all of the rest of reality that receives that life force, grass receives the light to grow, the animal eats the grass, we eat and drink, etc, all of reality is a receiving force, some receive more and some less, but every bit of creation is receiving something from the bestowing force in order to be sustained.
Kabbalists, are very precise. They describe to us our state in this world and why creation is built the way that it is and we will learn about that more later. They tell us that while our material body must receive to sustain itself, in our hearts, we can aim to be giving, like the giving force.
In this is the secret of creation, to transcend time, space and limitation.
Seth@KabU
So basically your life s not your own. How is it determined if, when and why someone is allow to move forward in any area of life? Anything you do would be in vain.
Calvin,
Let’s look at a child who is playing outside with his friends.
Does he feel like a slave? Does he know that his parents are watching over him, protecting him, preparing dinner for him, washing his clothes for him, scheduling the dentist appointment for him, getting the car ready to take him to school?
No.
The child feels free. He doesn’t feel like a slave or that he is being controlled. But that is because his perception is small. But his mom and dad are taking care of everything in his life.
So it is with us. We don’t feel the upper guidance and this is on purpose. Like this we have the opportunity to develop our feelings towards the Creator.
Nothing is in vain. Everything is guided and on purpose and directing us to the good future.
Seth@KabU
If I understand correctly the Feelings of the Upper world, perhaps just the Assiyah, they are connected if the Quality, Purpose and Intention is similar. Does that mean for example feelings between two souls bring them together, so there is no Space dimensions. But is there a time dimension in the Assiyah? Meaning that these feelings can change so the forces are distant to each other. So there is no Space but there is time, unless there is an immutable force where time does not change the state of the feeling. In other words, if a soul’s feelings with other soul can change by the time?
Hai,
Assiyah is also a spiritual world, and there is not time in spirituality. In spirituality everything is always.
Our world is at the bottom of Assiyah, but there is a boundary that we are under and that changes our perception.
You are correct, about similarity. In our world, we can bring two material things close and say they are close, in spirituality, things are close or far depending on their “quality”. If one is in bestowal and the other is in bestowal then they can become as one.
Seth@KabU
Shaun,
For example, when you were 5 you didn’t notice Susie in the classroom, but then when you were 10 all of a sudden, some new feeling arises in you, it’s platonic, but some kind of young love thing awakens in us at some point, totally disconnected from sex, but we have some special feeling for someone.
In a similar and very natural way, something new develops in us that before we didn’t feel, didn’t understand.
Seth@KabU
In the presentation, you explain about the five senses as  being a barrier to our perception of reality. Much has been said about a sixth sense, a knowing. It  It’s not verbal but it can be experienced.
From  the perspective of Kabbalah, what is it?
Yvonne,
The five senses are not a barrier, they are what we have to perceive this world, however they are incapable of perceiving the spirtual world. There are surgeries where a blind person can regain their vision and then see whereas before they could not see.
So there are also spiritual “operations” that we perform over time with many inner efforts to transform ourselves and we acquire new feelings on the degrees of Keter, Hochman, Bina, Z”A and Malchut, these are 5 spiritual qualities that correspond to our five material qualities.
Seth@KabU
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