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I’m expecting to believe in something again. I’ve always been a man of inquiry, and never one to believe in something because society says I should. I did extensive research into the origins and doctrines of my previous faith and found that – when held to the light and investigated from all angles – it failed beneath the weight of scrutiny. Needless to say, I’ve become somewhat cynical and distrusting. However, I still feel the divine. Now I’m just trying to find the path to it.
The creator never abandons us, we abandon the creator.  Believing is for the “self” but Tshuva “saying you are sorry and never doing it again” is for the soul.  I cannot tell anyone what is right or wrong because I believe both are for good. I personally think we fail to learn and grow closer to the creator in a way that cannot be denied. However, there are people in this world who are attached to it, and the dogmas and doctrines that go with it.  They wont surrender what they feel is “law” without actually lying, or being dishonest because they were taught by a dishonest person it was a truth.  This creates lack of knowledge and any wisdom that was gained (from only spiritual sense) is lost. I am of firm belief most religions have become banks, and the creator never wanted this. Wisdom cannot be bought because its not in this land of the living. However people will still try to sell it to us and have no clue what they are talking about.  I was lucky to never lose my faith, because my faith was in a Oneness source that created all regardless of how I was studying it. I am very sorry to hear you have had a struggle with your beliefs, I really do hope we can both find the right answers in this class. I know what I’m experiencing and we have not even gotten started, so I can only say keep your faith, don’t let that ever be a stumbling block. Truth will find its way no matter what we believe.
I have always been a loaner at heart , but I wish to study kabbalah from this authentic source. So I will try my best to act n study in an opposite manner to my nature. Because I truly wish to plant myself in a nurturing environment aimed in the correct direction
when we isolate we are already against nature. There is no “I”, or “self” because both are an illusion to distract us from what we cannot really see “oneness”. By becoming an “I” or “self” we feed the ego and block the light in the state of darkness not willing to receive. Thus spiritual awakening cannot take place until the “I” or “self” fails enough for there to be no other options to attain real answers.
Hello all,
I learned about Kabbalah many years ago, I was researching Paleo-Biblical Hebrew roots. I do not speak or read either well without some kind of dictionary. I did what anyone who learns about something does and I studied for aa bit understood what I could then abandoned the notion and walked away. I continued living my life and feeding all of my desires until about 6 months ago I was able to take control over my impulses with help from what had to be a power beyond me (I was completely out of control). Then I start researching the same things I once was, and oddly it was the same pattern except this time, the person I usually went to for answers on a spiritual nature has retired (or gotten sick it was not entirely clear).  I searched and searched and even tried to contact two famous Rabbis even though I myself am not Jewish.  I liked some of the things they were sharing.  One Rabbi required 350 dollars just to have a meeting, the other one gave me some goad advice but couldn’t talk very long.  That is when I decided I was going to research and learn many of the ancient ways myself. I read and read; websites popped up over and over again of credible peer reviewed sources and eventually I had attained a level of understanding about idolatry .
I started out simple, then it snowballed into real research and even though I wanted to learn something else I always ended up reading what I needed to find.  Archeology findings, times, dates, the history of people who recorded events; and that made me look harder and even further for truth of the real past. I finally ran into something called the TetraGamatron the sacred name that is never spoke. I was back at square one, more questions than I had answers and in such a foreign upbringing that with out aa guide I would never find this answer.
I typed in a search to learn how to pronounce the name of the “God of the Hebrews” but in the results was a YouTube video called Kabbalah simplified. I clicked on Kabbalah simplified link and liked what I saw.  At the end of that video it said try a free course. I clicked on that as well. I singed up and here I am. What completely intrigued me the most about all of this, is that our Dr. Kosinec was the person I found years ago. It was a video on understanding the meaning of ancient real biblical Hebrew words. So I was shocked we would cross paths like this again, but I have fully accepted I am indeed supposed to be here.
Today I watched a Video that talked about observing a screen.  Or the barrier you talked about in your Wisdom Video.  I would like to learn to at least perceive that before the end of the class so I can start some of the actual work to “see” the other part of my life’s purpose (the spiritual work I need to do in order to be whole). But I have no expectations on what happens in this class.
I am actually somewhat devastated rights now (which is a good thing) because, I just found out all the knowledge that I possessed means nothing in all my years. All the dogmas, all the understanding all the knowledge of the scrolls, history, archeology, languages I have started to study, and world history, are meaningless when it comes to real answers.
TLDR:
I know nothing, in reality I only know the impression of what was if anything at all. So I must abandon all knowledge that I have acquired over the years, and start fresh. So I am trying to enter this course as humble and meek as I am able to do. Do I wish for answers? Sure I do as in individual but I’m not here to please that part of me. Do I require answers to be satisfied? No. My inner personal individual makes those demands and I really just want that part of me to settle down for a bit so I can learn real wisdom. I am convinced now real wisdom is not attainable in the land of the living, it is attained only from the spiritual realms i can only guess Kabbalah refers to as worlds.
I have felt something almost a pressure if you will, its no where near the heart but almost dead center in my forehead.  I cant explain this feeling but its getting strong and stronger. I have no idea what this is but its not a medical condition as I have had several brain scans and even saw a Neurologist. So it has to be some other thing that I don’t know anything about or understand yet and I’m hoping its that spiritual part of me that has finally had enough of the corporeal explanations and is ready to find some real answers in a place where real wisdom can be obtained for a change.
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