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This week’s teachings and readings gave me a profound respect for those who are traveling the Kab path and investing their time to share what they are attaining with others who are interested. And how their efforts are having a huge impact on others who aren’t searching in a very conscious or direct way at this stage. So I thank all involved in developing, presenting and providing answers to our questions … from my heart! I hope (and intend) that one day I may be able to disseminate in these ways and help others find their way back to unity with the Creator. But first I need to attain this unity versus simply learn it! I know it will be a gradual process and that group work is crucial, so I look forward to the live workshop tomorrow and meeting and getting to know 9 of you in person. Shalom & filakia (love in Greek).
In the related readings, Three questions I received on study, work and dissemination, in one of the questions it referred the student to read items 10-20 Introduction to Talmud Eser Sefirot. I have read these items before, but for some reason the discussion about the importance of faith and having that central to your study touched my heart. It doesn’t matter how much you study if your intention/faith is not correct. If your intention is right then you will be brought to Lishma.
As far as dissemination, I have found myself lately in conversations where I can contribute some kernels of Kabbalah, which I know it’s is not from me that they come from but from Him. At the beginning of this lesson, I started to fear the word “dissemination”, I thought oh boy here it comes I have to go out and preach to the world and try to convince people to come to Kabbalah. But the words “spirituality is not coerced” kept coming to mind. Then I realized, it’s not going out “spreading the word”, but being a conduit to plant seeds that will hopefully take root, when He deems it is time.
With the concept of dissemination, I was feeling a bit like Maria did, like I would have to go “preaching” kind of..but finally I understood. And To my surprise I realized that the pasts few weeks I talked of the kabbalah way to spiritual attainment to a few people on my own. They even did not ask! They listen and  they respected my choice and they even ask some questions.
I understand the importance of “dissemination” but right now for me, like someone else described it…it feels daunting. The old saying goes… “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” I have been in a cult that forced “dissemination” to incredible heights. It was painful and at times a cruel and grueling experience. Maybe it’s a bit of PTSD. I just don’t want a repeat of where I’ve been so painfully in the past. They purported to have that ‘Biblical love for one another’ but it felt more like love for performance. So, it might take a bit of time for me to see through my own experience. I’m confident that I will. It will just take time. My heart is in the right place, but I’m just not in a place where I can start proselytizing Kabbalah. I’m new at this. I’m learning. I believe it will take some living in it to get past my past.
I m really unsure about some of what is being presented. Is this really all there is? I m sure its true that the Creator is the source of all things – and there are so many other parts of the Kabbalah, all of which have additional and very beautiful spiritual wisdoms, that I wonder about the next steps as presented here as a narrow focus.
KabU says that there is only one, tiny, space where we have free will, and that is whether we choose to freely follow the will of the Creator.  Does it follow that the only way of fulfilling the will of the Creator is to work in a group of 10, focused on disemminating the work of KabU as the means of salvation ? Feels like a Catch 22.  And, if I question this, it s coming from my ego, which needs correcting by my group of 10. Feels like a catch 22, again.
Was it really
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