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Hi, I’m Deborah. I am 65 and have been through a lot in life, most recently divorced, and now retired and living alone. With this situation, nothing seemed to be fulfilling. It seemed that there was no purpose for doing any task, even cooking food to eat. I have recently left christianity to cling to God of Israel. I stumbled upon a YouTube video asking if the universe is alive, which was fascinating. I’ve listened to a few rabbi’s mention Kabbalah, but I really know very little about it. I find myself yearning to the point of anguish and tears for meaning and purpose, though those have always been important to me and fulfilled in my parenting my children. I am done with self pity. I have suffered much since childhood – all kinds of external abuses and now that I have survived cvid, I wondered why? Why am I still here? What is it I want out of life with my few remaining years? How can I correct the mistakes of my past? How can I please Hashem? I have a long way to go to achieve fulfillment of not only receiving the love I have never had from a father or husband, but I also have never truly given to others outside of my large family. I yearn to give, but what? How? I have no wealth so I though I could perhaps grow food to give. My energy due to my age prevents me from working for very long, so I have a lot of development to get to the point I can both receive and give for a variety of needs/wants. But perhaps I will find methodology here. Thank you for sharing.
