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Dear Gianni,
In order to have fear that I will not be able to bestow, do I have to have at least a small vessel of bestowal, a small screen, at least an idea of what it means to bestow?
I have never been able to bestow. I don’t have this fear. Instead I have another sensation. I have been in deep darkness these past few days (same with the world kli) and now it feels like it’s going to lift a little bit, like I am about to receive another awakening from above, as it has happened many times before. I used to look forward to these “illuminations in the heart” but now I am dreading it, because of the acute awareness that it’s gonna go straight into my will to receive. It can’t go anywhere else – I have no screen, no vessel of bestowal, I will just take it an enjoy it intellectually or whatever and I don’t want this. I would rather not have it. I would rather stay in the darkness, cause here at least I have some awareness of what an incredible egoist I am. If I get the illumination, I will feel good and I will forget. I don’t know what to do and at this point it feels like I would rather go back to sleep than have this. What can I do?
Thank you ❤️
Is there any course that goes specifically through “The Preface of the Sulam Commentary”? It’s raising too many questions to ask here.
Dear Gianni,
Help me understand, GAR and ZAT refer to the lights and not the kelim, correct? And since VAK is basically ZA, it refers to the kli/kelim?
Also, what is this essential difference between Ohr Hochma and Ohr Hassidim? I thought I knew but it turns out I don’t 🤷♀️
Thank you ❤️
