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I am at a loss. Why can´t I just stick to my volunteer work to try and lessen the overall pain, and keep working at controling my desirres (my ways of escaping the pain of living in this broken world) and just read and enjoy the books of Rav Laitman? I cannot understand theese tables of upper worlds and their various connections to eachother. I sense the truth in the teaching and feel compelled to learn and understand them. I reminds me of learning sheet music, i cannot understand it and haven´t learned it, but I feel it when it´s right and I can play my instruments and make music with them. I want Kabbalah to work in the same way but this course “the blueprint of creation” makes me want to give up or start the other courses all over again to makes sure I learn all the words that I don´t understand. I know I am broken and I want to correct myself, but this makes me feel stupid and frustrated. I will finish this course to the best of my abillity, and then do all the other ones instead. This is too much for me. A key principle..? The systems of Worlds is complicated, fractal in nature and we go up and down them time and again.
The LIGHT is ready and waiting for those who want to purify and reach Equivalence of Form. However, He (Creator) determines who is ready and who is not by Letting the light do the work it is supposed to do.  The more one directs the Light to the will to receive, the further they are from reaching that form. It is a very delicate balancing act.
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