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Yes and no. I realize there is a spiritual world run by the Creator and have known this since childhood. I have experienced a few moments that made me aware of spiritual realities, but I don’t see this on a regular basis. I live on one acre, alone in a small farmhouse. I perceive nature, and my dogs and chickens and learn from them what they need to survive. I have a garden and am learning about the needs of my various plants. I am creating a food forest to provide abundance. All of these living things teach me things that I cannot see. I look into the heavens and I know God is there, but I cannot see Him. I talk with Him on my pillow every night and morning just to have someone to talk to – every since I was a girl. But I cannot see anything beyond my five senses. When I hear certain music, my heart swells to it’s unknown message with an intense yearning (I listen to Hebrew as I am learning Hebrew language) and I wonder why it affects me so – recently Zohar HaRakia. I often cry in what feels like despair because of my own pride – and I live with no one, so who is there to compare myself to? I compare myself to an all loving and giving God and I cannot see myself in anything but a prideful position – wanting to be like Him – to be able to give to others. I just pray that He will purify my soul of these selfish ambitions, but what else is there outside of myself? I really don’t know very much and I just keep searching for truth.
Yes I do, I learned I usually find what I’m looking for. The trick was to understand I’m often not aware of exactly what I’m looking for because those desires are unconscious. So I then find myself with something I believe I did not ask, or look for, or even want, yet it’s here. A good path to become conscious, to get to know my ego and look at my desires in a different way and with a different intention.
Sure, all the time! My wife and I look at a suitcase and she sees it as blue while I see it as green. Forensic detectives know that if eyewitnesses all tell the same story there has been collusion, that the truth of what happened will lie somewhere in amongst the differences that each party sees/recalls. Even the way I recall something changes over time, as my reason gets involved and modifies what I first recall seeing, making it fit some other more acceptable story of what likely happened. Now add in the spiritual reality that I’m not even feeling and the fact that the tiny parts of all the light-wave spectrum, sound-waves spectrum, taste range, etc that I can actually detect in this world … and it’s a wonder I have any confidence at all in asserting the reality of anything!
Some talk about manifesting your own reality or some may say you reap what you sow but who is dreaming the dream. Am I creating my reality in my dream or am I living this reality because the collective is dreaming a bigger dream. I am still processing these thoughts and perhaps Kabbalah will help to clarify them.
No, even I am aware of, I feel very often disturbed in my awareness, perceptional, acoustical and intellectual, and I know how that is happen and through whom and since when and why I can’t escape from this or grow out of this, even I know a lot of basic skills and yet they seem to become always again and again nullified and challenged and it’s really exhausting for me to always keep my energy in me.
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