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There were many Ah-ha moments. One such moment was when my awareness was piqued and caused my plan to come to a screeching halt. Oh yeah, ego almost had its way. It’s interesting, I thought there was nothing like that kind of ego in me. Thought I was beyond it. I had been through that a long time ago. Big, embarrassing moment brought me to tears.
I found the spiritual classification of Palaces, Robes, Noga, Angels, and Souls somehow intriguing. I often am mad at people for being insensitive, unkind, prejedeous, cruel, and nasty and walk by them as if they did not exist and try very hard to avoid those characters so I do not lose my temper with them and make things a bit ugly. However, I often attributed these characters to the corporal world of inanimate, vegetative, animate and barely human, now, I can see that there are 5 more classification above that I need to introduce to my understanding about friendlier people. I thought I had a lot of corrections to do before the lesson, now I see that my work on correction had just doubled.
The concept of concealment … in one way makes me angry, very angry as I am experiencing ugly difficulties, and I am emarased about feeling angry, also I feel very thankful for the guidance I do not undrstand but is clearly happening. Feels like I can more and more clearly identify when I am under the influence of my logical mind, and when does my heart taking the lead. I suffer more (anger followed by shame) when I absorbe things by rhime’n reason, and things get better when I “let go” and let the Upper force guide, unfold the good, the bad and the ugly. Working above reason feels more like a “foolish” work when I’m in the smart pants mood, as always pops Q’s and is seeking answers, nonstop, tirelessly, and if can’t get one that fits the box … well, makes me feel week and a fool. However, the only Q keeps popping up around the concept of Concealment is “Why the heck isn’t any Q about this?” Logically doesn’t make sense, in fact is infuriating, that the all benevolent Creator is hiding and letting all the suffering exist, my heart is aching, yet there is another level of knowing, a sensless, Q less knowing that this is how it has to be. Oh Lord, I feel like walking blindfolded on the edge of a razor.
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