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I have learned to be more aware of my Ego and recognize how it works in the situation. It isn’t something that will go away because I know about it, I will have to continue to learn and get through the layers by continuing to learn and continuing to be observant.
Since I have done this course once before, there must have been something that caused me to stop. I think the reason for that was that I just wasn’t sure if I deserved to be among truly good people like my fellow students and our instructors…..Or maybe I wasn’t sure if anybody would be able to see and accept me for who I am: Somebody who just wants to be a good person who helps make the world a better place to be.
This past week something happened that changed this fear and made it almost go away. I realized that I had no reason to doubt myself, for I was right all along. It doesn’t mean I had no reason to do some self-searching, I needed to do that, and I can say beyond doubt that I have KabU, and Kabbalah to thank for having found peace within myself – that is, I have the Creator to thank for it, but He did it all through all of you guys, KabU and my fellow students. I cannot thank you enough, for even if you don’t know it, you have been there for me throughout this difficult journey.
I can’t wait to get to know some of you beautiful people in person. 🙂
One of the most important things I have learned is the fact that I didn’t know how to include the Creator during my search over the years. I knew He was there, I can “feel Him” at any time if I choose to, even now as I write this. I just never felt I had any “right” to ask anything of Him, so I didn’t. I just trusted He would continue to lead me, as He has done all along. Of course, I can wonder why He let me wait until now, since after all I knew I wanted to study Kabbalah since the late 1990s. But the reason may be that I didn’t know how to include Him on a personal level. – I really think that is where I went wrong, and that is the reason why it dragged out for so long before I found KabU.
What I wish for my fellow students: I wish for you that you will grow farther than I will because the world needs you. And I have a little wish for myself hidden in my wish for you, and it is that you will help me get a little further than I was when you are ahead of me. Does that make sense?…
Give just a little bit to my AHP (Ahap)? I promise that I will do all that I can to give to your GE (Galgota Enayim).
I wish for everybody here that you will achieve Equivalence of Form with the Creator. And I wish that because it is my greatest wish for myself, so how can I not wish this exact same thing for you?
I have been inspired all along through these past five weeks. And Julian, you have a way of being so very, very inspiring even when I already know what you are talking about (because I have done this course before).
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I’d like to say one final thing… Until this, the very last week of the last 5-week course, I haven’t known what to do with myself in life because I am disabled, past 65 yrs of age, and I have no formal education nor a job. This has made it difficult for me to see how I could be useful to others, to the world around me, and even though I always have had this deep longing for spiritual transcendence, understanding, and growth, it just isn’t enough to sit with all of it alone in a small apartment somewhere in a tiny country in Northern Europe. And I wasn’t really aware of how much it derailed me until just this week, when I realized where I’m headed and that I will be of use to others and to the world. I hope it’s okay if don’t go more into it than this, it is just very, very important to have purpose beyond learning stuff that you can’t share.
I will be able to share what I am learning here!… Maybe not this week, and maybe not the next, but the time will come.
I am so very, very grateful to all of you, instructors, fellow students, Dr. Michael Laitman, and, not least, the Creator! Bless you all!… and Thank you!
What inspired me most, and taught me most, was that I am 100% an EGO . In my practical life, when I had a real fall-out with a friend, was that I observed my “evil intention” – all that nasty thinking, and even as I thought it, said to myself “This is ONLY my ego talking “. What a battle, oh the pain of not being able to shut it up, how it went on & on ! I observed & knew it wasn’t the truth, and at some point, it just stopped & I no longer needed to hold myself as right. (I can see clearly now the rain has gone) That s a lesson I intend to hold onto, & in our group when necessary.
My Hope & Intention for the next course, is that I/we begin to make the changes in our spiritual nature. I have to say that at the moment, I m feeling mostly curiosity, and hope that it will emerge into a true desire for that connection. It feels important, above reason, that we increase the small numbers of groups everywhere which are moving from individuated to one-ness, and healing the shattered soul of Adam HaRishon. That this is possible seems miraculous, and in fact what I have been looking for my whole life. It s an adventure not to be missed, and an awesome responsibility.
What I wish for my fellow students, my group of 10, and myself, is that we are able to work with all that we have learned so far, and support each other, grow the ability to care for each other as ourselves, and to know that we ARE one within the group, and to discover that is our purpose. To do that with good grace, and a sense of humour.  I cant wait !!!
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