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I had that turn upside down several times in my life. Just when I think “this was the worse, I cannot go lower” (it cannot get darker), lo and behold. But every time the rises between falls got higher too – closer to the Creator. Or I might just be much more sensitive to both suffering (intolerable), and pleasure of being in His/Her presence (can’t live without).
The dreams most often piece together, facts and illusions, irrationally. Going to church and Sunday school, even if you did not pay attention, was a large source of dreams material. The subconscious mind takes note of much more than the conscious. The dream is most likely a mixture of facts you’ve heard/visualized (imagined while ‘not’ listening) that impressed you somehow. I remember being a kid and reading in the Bible that Moses broke the tablets (“written on with the finger of god“). I was 8 or 9, and I remember feeling enraged at Moses: “How can you hurt these tablets that the finger of god wrote?” It was like: “Moses, you broke God’s finger!” I felt hurt for God, did not want to hurt Moses, just felt that he knew better what is of value. I never told anyone. But I can see you, in your dream saying what I felt. From your story of this dream I sense that your subconscious mind was interested & preoccupied with spiritual matters and you loved god, even though you consciously deny this. I know nothing of dream interpretation if that’s what you’re looking for. The fact that you remember that dream vividly tells me that it shocked you, you frequently revisited it, and that your subconscious holds many memories unavailable to your conscious. It might be the call to develop spiritually. That’s my 2 cents. I appreciate you, and your sharing this here.
It actually IS increasing pleasure. It is pleasant to me to be corrected when I make a mistake. Then, as I discover that I don’t know left from right, is more pleasant to learn the truth and let go of illusions, than to continue to live in illusions (way more painful). I changed. Now I feel good when I know how to correct a mistake that … I thought I was doing a good thing, but hurting others. How should I put it? The spiritual satisfactions, even when I’m being corrected, the satisfaction of communing with my Creator even when He/She is saying: “there is a better way” is much higher pleasure than all the worldly pleasures. You probably read the expression “Your rod comforts me”; it is the “YOUR!” (the communion with the Source) that brings spiritual pleasure.
No! What we experience in this world is mostly illusions, based of a false sense of separation from the divine, on fear. God does not experience illusions, only the truth which is always true. Once we have equivalent character, like God (Creator) we will see (experience) like the Creator, life, love peace, happiness, etc., and no more illusions which disappear when seen in the light of truth.
“God can do anything …?” No, absolutely not. God does nothing. God Is. From this state of being-ness flows everything that is equivalent in form to His/Her qualities – life giving, bestowal.
‘Overt’ means out in the open, noticed, amenable to correction. ‘Covert’ means hidden from view so cannot be corrected until it becomes visible. ‘Overt’ then is available to correction, is in the light already (1 step). ‘Covert’ is hidden from the light, needs the light to be exposed first, then corrected (2 steps).
Kabbalah is the light that exposes (what is not in the likeness of our Creator), and carries the correction tools – “I have made the evil inclination and Torah as a spice”.
Say you have a basement (or attic) full of junk, and small animals (rats), moths, spiders, termites, etc., developed homes there. You go take look. Is dark in there, you see nothing. You close the door and promise to return later with light and tools to clean up. Decades later, you go to clean your basement (or attic). You open the door, and a nauseating stench makes you step back and close the door. But you are determined, and open the door with a mask on your nose. Light on! What you see is grotesque in so many ways. You clean up one by one, each object that is salvageable and notice the destruction – many are just trash. Was the trash there before you determinately turned the light on? Yes! You just did not see it. LIGHT ON! Now you see the destruction that the ego developed over a lifetime. Of course you feel worse. Did the light cause the decay? Thanks to the light NOW YOU SEE to … clean up, to correct.
Kabbalah is a tool, a light in the dark, and much more.
