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Sounds like a great place to be, David!
Some are apprehensive but know it’s the next step, some leave around the time of that recognition and some are excited and ready to dive straight in, like you. The one thing which is common to them all is finishing, at least, the initial courses. It’s really important to make sure everyone is more or less clear on what the goal is and that they have the basic foundation for why it is they’re doing what they’re doing. It also helps to know that everyone went through the same thing, the same courses and no one jumped ahead and came in somehow as an “excellent” student. That’s probably not what you meant in your question, but more of a response to others with similar questions.
Hang in there and scrutinize that desire, get as many discernments and details out of it. “Rippen” it. Make great preparations for yourself and come with that to your first ten meeting.
Good luck!
Chris
This is the entire matter of the environment. As soon as a person understands that they have to take strength from somewhere since they themselves certainly have none – this is when they begin to see the value in the environment and how one needs to subjugate themselves before it in order to receive from it. This is everything Rabash writes about.
We ourselves have no such strength for that. This is the divide I answered earlier below, being stuck between two forces. One which is good that does good and the other which wants to receive only for itself. Do you use all the means and expend all possible energy to nonetheless stay with the Creator and plead not to be separate from Him, or do you sink into your own desire and forget about Him and wish to curse the world or even try and take control of your life even more?
It’s the most unnatural thing for the ego, but the most natural thing for our point in the heart. It’s a battle just because we’re constantly stuck between two opposing forces. With experience, the “thinking” part, meaning, “what do I do and how” kinds of thoughts have already entered this kind of emotional understanding and you’re no longer needing to go back to the “rule book” of sorts.
On that level, “faith” is “faith in the sages”. This means we don’t have the force of “faith”, yet our point in the heart still yearns for fulfillment. In order to stay on the path and receive the necessary inner changes, we have to bow the head and plow forward according to Kabbalist’s advice and this will keep us under the influence of the environment which gradually changes us to actually want something of bestowal.
~Chris
