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You turn out to be Adam HaRishon. First, you need to collect and become one with all the parts of you.
It’s not realistic for us to go into these calculations. The Rav could do what he does to provide his students opportunities to be independent, or it could be for health reasons. It could also be that one can have special forces to work even though he is not in the best physical health. We can’t know with certainty about the state of one who is on a higher degree than us.
We all feel part of the state in which we are all suffering because we are not corrected yet. The weight is proportional, but since we can’t see the internality of each person, it can seem unfair – because no one has a qualitatively different piece to carry.
It’s a result of the collective Shattering that we’re all products of, but this aspect of the Shattering gets emphasized in this way in the person. He carries this burden for the rest of humanity. Each person has something of his own, which he carries as a result of the Shattering, until we reach the correction of our common soul.
There aren’t really mantras in Kabbalah. As I said, something I just repeat can have a psychological effect, and that’s it. A prayer really needs to be one that is close to the heart, something I really feel that I’m missing and only the Creator can grant. Also, the blessings you should bless should be real for you, and not what is written somewhere. The Eighteen Prayer – half of it refers to Direct Light and half Reflected Light – it’s not realistic for us yet.
You consist of various, unscrutinized qualities, which for now are all mixed up like in a soup. From the study of Kabbalah, this parts of this soup get divided out, and then you can work with them in a clear way. For now though, you try to determine your spiritual future by taking what you can from the egoistic direction, and placing it on the side of the spiritual direction. You’ll be able to do so to the extent you manage your environment, to make it more spiritual. Besides this management, everything else is predetermined.
