[Niklas]

Could it be that the whole practice of Kabbalah is simply based on understanding?

Here is what I understood:

– I cannot change my egoism
– The Upper Light changes my egoism
– I can draw the Upper Light by wanting to become altruistic
– The more I realise how egoistic I actually am, the more I will feel this as evil and the stronger my desire to change will become

Trying to change my corporeal actions won’t amount to anything.
Trying to change my desires will just be the ego sneaking in the back door.

So what is there left to do? Take an honest look at all I experience and see how everything stems from my egoistic desires.
Constantly contemplate what the Creator is trying to teach me through the experience I am having which probably is always aimed at showing me some “hidden” egoistic calculation anyway.

I could imagine that from this attitude all subsequent Kabbalistic actions appear naturally and the teaching of Kabbalah is simply there to greatly accelerate this process.

Is it like that?

[Niklas]

Thank you very much. I can work with that.

[Niklas]

Update:

The (little) fulfillment I experienced from being seriously engaged in Kabbalah dwindled rather quickly while being immersed in gaming.

Now the inner egoistical calculation has shifted and I figured that I can use this situation as a springboard towards Kabbalah.

Once again, I decide against gaming and for spirituality.

However, the question why the Creator even sent me off course remains. Why was this situation necessary or good?

[Niklas]

I have a question regarding a statement from “Kabbalah Revealed Interactive”. It says:

“As soon as one tries to immerse the Point in the Heart in a spiritual environment, forces both internal and external come to us in order to distract us. This comes from None Else Besides Him to strengthen our resolve.”

I had some forces pulling me away from Kabbalah, but I overcame them. Now, I am experiencing even greater forces trying to pull me away. Two years ago, I got rid of my PC gaming equipment to focus on meditation instead. Last week, suddenly, I had the tremendous urge to watch somebody play a computer game online. I shut it off again and kept studying Kabbalah because I thought “I already dealt with this two years ago and now I still have the opportunity to choose Kabbalah rather easily.” Then, however, I was pulled towards watching more and more. Now, I have even subscribed to an online gaming platform that provides high-end gaming PCs remotely. Previously, my internet was way too slow for this, but through a couple of events that seem absolutely miraculous to me, suddenly my Internet is able to support gaming remotely.

Should I view this simply as a “weight” given to me by the Creator to have some more opportunities to practice faith above reason? For a long time, I trained myself to behave according to “faith below reason”. I got rid of everything that potentially arouses desire for worldly things and ran into the most spiritual direction I could find with all my strength. Now, I am trying to shift towards “faith above reason” by trying to understand what is going on, checking my options, living a “normal life” and clinging to Kabbalah not with all my strength, but with some of my strength.

Also, previously, I was able to ingest many Kabbalistic videos, read many pages in the books etc. Now, it takes all my strength to watch even a simple 5 minute video. Does this mean that the quality of my work has now increased?

Or should I rather view all of this as “having missed an opportunity in the past” and now the Creator is sending me even more distractions to make me realise that I am heading in the wrong direction?

[Niklas]

Hm…

So what I take from this is that the advice for my mind is: “Do whatever, know that it is the Creator, blame it on Him and know that it is just another tactic of the ego that He is trying to make me aware of”.

This helps me to focus on my heart instead of the mind.

While reading this reply, somebody on the streets complained about vaccine-deniers very angrily to my neighbours. I think: “But hey man. Do you realise that you are complaining about their anger while being engulfed in the same kind of anger?” Which, frankly, makes me angry a little bit.

Same situation. I think that I could help calm him down a bit, but also it is not really any of my business. For now, however, I put on some Jazz in my headphones and ignore him. Choosing my environment is after all the only spiritual calculation I am quite sure of.

Let’s see if that is what the Creator wants of me for now. I can only work on my level and I believe He never expects more of me.

I hope that None Else Besides Him will punch me in the face one way or another if I misunderstood somehow.

[Niklas]

Hah! I mean that’s what you are trying to tell me in so many replies anyway.

Thanks 🙂

[Author]

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