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Thank you Gianni for getting back to me. That was already really very helpful.
I went through your answer several times, and changed this text accordingly, because as I re-read, I felt most of my insecurities answered and that incredible sadness of maybe just not being right in Kabbalah kind of started to subside.
Still, what remains is this insecurity… if we all have the same inner work to do, still I understand we have to unite, to connect. In the mirror congress I felt that growing unity in the meńs group and the womeńs group and that complementation between both of the course of time. But how can I unite, if I am lacking the qualities that everyone else in my group has? If I cannot just „be“ with them. If I feel not like them. I mean, I really tried. But what made me so incredibly sad, was, to think, that with all my incapacities, I might hinder the others from progressing. That I might just distract or confuse them. How can I take responsibility to really be there for the others? How can I make sure not to be in the way of unity? And when do I simply have to step back?
Dear Gianni, I don’t know if this question fits here, but I really, really feel I need to know… so maybe you can help along. I was at the Holland mirror congress and it was an amazing experience. I learned a lot these days, and to be in this place, made this really a practical wisdom. Apart from all study and learning , it was about building and passing on that energy of love and connection. And that was really, really tangible and such a gift. However, I felt how important it is that the male and female energy complement each other. And in this, I felt like a mismatched prototype. Like DNA and energy don’t match. DNA female, energy male. How can I work in a place that asks female energy, flowing like Bina, beautiful, soft , gentle… when I am opposite to this? You know, I really tried to stay focused on it, pass the energy on, mingle with the others. But it was exhausting. I felt like a stranger, attaining a world that is not for him, because it is designed the opposite way. Now, I feel the importance in this process, that the energies have to complement each other. And I don’t want to harm or lower that through being a mismatch. And as the creator is nature‘s law, and not a manager with a checklist… maybe I am not needed in this place. Maybe I should not be here, being so opposite to what I should be. Plus , corporeal life asks the opposite. I have to be strong, lead on, make decisions all the time, whether I want to or not. This contrast is kind of shaking me through like a milkshake. I want to serve the creator, do what I can. But… can it be that I am just wrong here?
Hi Gianni, itś been said that in each day, as we wake up, we have to „choose our friends“ again, trying to form the correct intention to turn to them. I am wondering now about two things. What happens when we sleep? Why do we loose the connection then? And more importantly- how comes we feel love for friends as being something natural? Is the love we feel for the friends grace given from above, or is it the result of of trying to form the correct desire for connection and intention to bestow on the friends? And how can it be so strong, when we meet people only virtually? How can it be so different from corporeal sensations?
Will there a be a point in development, when bestowal becomes a second nature, when it doesńt ask active restriction of the will to receive , and that natural egoism, all the time anymore? I am asking because I feel like it says,… a „natural“ egoist. Not that I like it… it’s kind of humbling to see that structure and acknowledge it. Is there a way to get over that? Is it done by focussing on the well-being and development of the friends? By not giving attention so much anymore as to what the „I“ demands? Or will it be constant struggle?
Thanks so much for all the answers clarification…and the amazing patience. patience… I feel I am starting to get closer to understanding this. and to get the importance of working on the kli in constant practice and in the group, so maybe at one point I will learn to form a real prayer 🙂 . Now, just a very last thing (and then I am sure my mind and heart will happily settle :-))) .. If we pray together, how does the effect we create, amplify? Is connection itself a „force“ that can draw the light or does it just connect the points in the heart to form a bigger kli? And from there – does it need all three- intention, connection and klis of all of us who pray? Ok, now, I really feel it´ś all been asked, and itś been in my heart for a long while now. So I am happy I got the chance And I feel any clarification is just so helpful. Thank you!!!
