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Dear Gianni, I don’t know if this question fits here, but I really, really feel I need to know… so maybe you can help along. I was at the Holland mirror congress and it was an amazing experience. I learned a lot these days, and to be in this place, made this really a practical wisdom. Apart from all study and learning , it was about building and passing on that energy of love and connection. And that was really, really tangible and such a gift. However, I felt how important it is that the male and female energy complement each other. And in this, I felt like a mismatched prototype. Like DNA and energy don’t match. DNA female, energy male. How can I work in a place that asks female energy, flowing like Bina, beautiful, soft , gentle… when I am opposite to this? You know, I really tried to stay focused on it, pass the energy on, mingle with the others. But it was exhausting. I felt like a stranger, attaining a world that is not for him, because it is designed the opposite way. Now, I feel the importance in this process, that the energies have to complement each other. And I don’t want to harm or lower that through being a mismatch. And as the creator is nature‘s law, and not a manager with a checklist… maybe I am not needed in this place. Maybe I should not be here, being so opposite to what I should be. Plus , corporeal life asks the opposite. I have to be strong, lead on, make decisions all the time, whether I want to or not. This contrast is kind of shaking me through like a milkshake. I want to serve the creator, do what I can. But… can it be that I am just wrong here?
Hi Gianni, itś been said that in each day, as we wake up, we have to „choose our friends“ again, trying to form the correct intention to turn to them. I am wondering now about two things. What happens when we sleep? Why do we loose the connection then? And more importantly- how comes we feel love for friends as being something natural?  Is the love we feel for the friends grace given from above, or is it the result of of trying to form the correct desire for connection and intention to bestow on the friends? And how can it be so strong, when we meet people only virtually? How can it be so different from corporeal sensations?
Will there a be a point in development, when bestowal becomes a second nature, when it doesńt ask active restriction of the will to receive , and that natural egoism, all the time anymore? I am asking because I feel like it says,… a „natural“ egoist. Not that I like it… it’s kind of humbling to see that structure and acknowledge it. Is there a way to get over that? Is it done by focussing on the well-being and development of the friends? By not giving attention so much anymore as to what the „I“ demands? Or will it be constant struggle?
Thanks so much for all the answers clarification…and the amazing patience. patience… I feel I am starting to get closer to understanding this. and to get the importance of working on the kli in constant practice and in the group, so maybe at one point I will learn to form a real prayer  🙂 . Now, just a very last thing (and then I am sure my mind and heart will happily settle :-))) .. If we pray together, how does the  effect we create, amplify?  Is connection itself a „force“ that can draw the light or does it just connect the points in the heart to form a bigger kli? And from there – does  it need all three- intention, connection and klis of all of us who pray? Ok, now, I really feel it´ś all been asked, and itÅ› been in my heart for a long while now. So I am happy I got the chance And I feel any clarification is just so helpful. Thank you!!!
Thank you Gianni, and so sorry to get back to this once more, but itś something that really  been bothering me for months now, and I feel I really wish to know how to form a real prayer. And to understand what a prayer really is and does. All that I ever learned about prayer , before I started studying Kabbalah, obviously just doesńt fit anymore. I understand it´ś not a ritual. Itś not the words my mouth form, even if they are kind and benevolent. There is no judge allowing the pledge to pass or not. So, it must be something nature can do. So far I understand, we aim our intention towards the deficiency of a friend, and then ask for an opportunity in the friends life/development/inner state. And I understand, that itś been said that the prayer of a kabbalist can make a real change. Is raising a prayer an act of bestowal or a plea for bestowal from above then? Is it drawing light to a specific „place of need“ and thus can  evoke a change?
Hi Gianni, one last question, as this is really challenging me… with the path of light and the path of suffering- is this an either / or  choice OR can we experience both at the same time? I wonder, because I feel, we may choose to develop in one part, but then equally, struggle with something else ( or maybe that just seems so to me).  In any case, I feel there is more layers to develop than there is even discernments to ask help for, so one may try to walk on the path of light as much as one can discern it and work on it, but the rest is still in darkness. So are we walking on two paths at the same time then?
