Forum Replies Created
- Replies
I had a feeling that everything is at the tips of my fingers, just some tiny little thing is missing… and I do hope this would be it 🙂
By being in constant touch with the Creator, constant effort to see everything through His eyes, to grasp the thought behind every event, emotion, situation etc. in our lives.
Now I am in panic! What if I am not able to reach spirituality in this life (given the fact that I am 50 years old) and have to be reborn, and go through all the terrible life experiences to again reach this staring point (if ever) and get stuck in such a loop till the end of time?? How can I ensure to reach spirituality, wake up, in this life?
I was just born with a sense of wholeness, connected to all, love for all (so not my conscious merit at all), I saw everyone as good, I never felt any lack. All my life I felt everyone’s sorrows, their happiness as my own and I only felt alive when I can do something for someone, or see people happy. I never felt like I have needs on my own that I need to take care of, it was like if I have any, they will be taken care by some higher force, and they were. When I saw suffering, I felt like I was responsible for that, and I must do something. But in all these, especially when I went over the Moon to help someone, I got hurt more and more violently. Moreover, even when I wanted to “retaliate” (in a spur of the moment), I clearly felt like some force had stopped me, disabled me to do anything that would harm another being.
And then, 7 years ago, all that changed. First I discovered Kabbalah, then there was pick in my interactions, and then everything fell apart and completely changed. Now, I don’t like people, I don’t want to talk to them, connect or anything I used to love before. I don’t feel the urge to help, don’t feel their needs, I don’t even care about their needs. I have 2-3 close people, and that’s more than enough.
So, it feels like some kind of digression in the light of all I hear here. Like my path is going backwards…
And, now this idea that I must re-connect to all terrifies me, to be honest. I really don’t want to now, so is there any way I can do this on my own? I feel like I must study Kabbalah, not like I have a choice here, so please help me.
Thanks for understanding!
