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Logically I can make sense of what is being said.
1. we do not perceive reality. I have always accepted what I am perceiving is not real even from a young age.
2. The creator does not change. We only perceive the creator with human traits which is our indication we have corrections to be made. Our perception of the creator changes however, the creator in fact never changes and simply is and stays the same.
3. The desire for a connection changes me to the point of corrections, I myself do nothing and this is all the work of the creator. This is all the design of the creator and how Nature is supposed to be.
4. Light is all around us but we cannot see or feel it unless we are “awakened” through the point in the heart. Even after being awakened we do not physically sense anything.  The five senses are the opposite of enlightenment because they block what is reality.
5. The sum of all desires is 613, which are Mitzvot. These all reside in the heart. The word “heart” is not a physical organ but rather is the sum of all desires.  The desire to be with the creator is only one of these 613 Mitzvot.
6. Without a Screen we cannot receive the light we repel it because it creates guilt and shame we realize we are so selfish we avoid it. With a screen we only take the amount of light we know will also bestow. Over time we learn to bestow more so we take more until its full. When the light fills the kli we see reality and see the dream many of us mistake for reality. The Screen is the tool Kabbalist use to scientifically learn to make corrections through trial and error of how perceptions are experienced. Science is the proof something doesn’t work but does not actually prove anything but rather that which is false.
7. Nothing in this world is real, not legends, not folklore, not even books. We use the Kabbalist writings because it is the only “Code” that leads to the truth of Nature and the ability to correct.
8. Patience is part of being a Kabbalist, we must wait on the creator t0 (by process of elimination of our wants for desires) awaken the point in the heart. All is a very natural simple process that we must experience as an individual before we feel we have become part of the whole.
9. We are all one, and we are the creature of the creator which is still part of the whole. The creator made us when the creator developed the desire to create. We cannot see we are all still one because our perception of reality is blocked by the five senses.
10. We live in an impression of what is, therefore we are now in the world of what was. We are just an impression of what has already been.
11. Without preparation we cannot join a ten. That is what this and a few other courses prepare us for is the preparation to be united with a ten.
This all being said, this is what I understand about the literature and what I feel has been taught. I still feel a desire for a connection for the creator (I have for over 20 years now prior to even knowing Kabbalah was an option).  But I have no “revelation” or sensation new to what already existed after learning how things work. I will simply have to be patient and understanding until Kabbalah becomes a reality or it simply reveals nothing to me. Until then I will be patient and open minded and accept without reservations this is a possibility.  I feel doing anything else is not being honest with myself, which in the end if i don’t allow the ego to be selfish and bored with its desires, I cannot make a correction anyway. I find myself wondering what makes this different than any other thing I have tried to find a “connection” or the “truth” so I can see my ego is not willing to let go of this easily. I tell myself and accept this is a dream yet i cannot see it. I tell myself physical is only a distraction, yet it is still here. I have never accepted life as reality since I was very young, yet it is. This is part of the process. So I must remain patient and willing to learn. I am doing my best at this. I have searched everywhere on earth one can find enlightenment from every major form of religion. I have given them all a very fair shake and opportunity to work. Sometimes years of devotion just to “feel” something. I will do the same for Kabbalah until I simply cannot “wake up” from the dream. I will continue to study the material and try to physically learn what I can. And try to mentally shut down my ego so I can spiritually absorb. Until then I may remain frustrated somewhat confused until some of this either becomes experience or wisdom. Either way these are great videos and inspiring for someone like me looking for options. I decided long ago not to fake an experience to be accepted.  I am just keeping it honest here. Nothing since i started watching these videos has changed who I have looked or seen the world in any way. Positive change was already occurring in my life at such a drastic rate before finding Kabbalah. So that is a bit confusing as well. But I will again take the word for the Kabbalist for now. Change in the physical is an impression in the spiritual. I am trying very hard to accept, but with very little proof this is more than circular speaking. It is not easy and I can see why there is a need for a ten.
i’ve gained complete awareness of the fact that my ego is present and it is not always easy to catch, in fact i am now better aware of the fact that the ego is tricky and sly, and extremely manipulative. i can also see better whats motivating others around me by getting to know myself. i have also gained a sensation i have never quite felt before..it is peculiar indeed, and i am still trying to figure out how to articulate it. there are many other insights i have gained but the above are just the most prevalent gains so far. there is still MUCH to learn, much to feel, much to see…
As of right now I just have to take the word of the Kabbalist. I can’t say anything as far as “deeper or clearer” understanding has taken place. I feel as though something is circular about it all but nothing is actually definitive. I am trying to feel with something other than myself, or the “I” inside me and its just too foreign to understand. I will follow what Rav Laitman has suggested play until you know.  So for now I’ll play as if I understand but admittedly its just more words and ideas until it becomes something else. I understand the concepts, but I also understand this is not something that is comprehendible on a physical understanding. So my brain cannot use logic to create connections. This is something where I have to simply just wait on the creator to show me. I feel that if it is concealed, then it will be revealed over time. I just know that time is not right now. And I fully accept that. I read all the extra literature given, and purchased books to understand what I have already become familiar with in Torah. It has been suggested that “I have brought things with me” to this study that are not part of kabbalah. If that is the case I’ll accept that and deprogram with what is. It is literally all “I” can do. Waiting on the creator is my next move. Play until you know is the goal.
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