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I just realized that there is a drive to knowing the Creator, and that drive comes from my curiosity in knowing him and selflessness. I also understood that what stops me from knowing the Creator is my ego. This ego is a false identity that is selfish and more like an adversary that impedes my spiritual advancement.
I have been observing my mind, emotions and actions for many years now, and have long been aware that even seemingly altruistic behaviors are self-centered at their core. However, it is only now that I am recognizing just how absolute this will to receive is, how I measure everything I do and don’t do accordingly, how much I am its prisoner. I have been aching and praying for so many years now to be an instrument of love, to be free of the incessant emptiness of wanting and getting. And, from the moment I first felt this torment, literally in my heart, I have understood that God (Creator) placed it there, and somehow, because of this knowing, I have, through so many dark moments, come back over and over to a faith that God would not forsake me. He hasn’t. I have found my spiritual home. I am on my knees in gratitude.
The amazing notion I had once, when in a one way vision screen – room, but on the other side of the screen, unseen by the students whose behaviour we were observing during the experiment. Knowing then the different perspectives from both sides of the screen.
Your material gives me the same feeling, two sides of reality, there is a way out of this mess.
Thanks.
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