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Sorry if I’m taking up too much time, patience and space with this.
For whatever reason, reading it now, in March 2022, I get a kind of a sad feeling, when reading your 2021 note, dear Miryam. Based on my own fluctuating states of feelings, faith and yearning, I can fathom somehow that you were just in a temporary deep spot, from which you could have been helped out by the group you were about to be assigned to. It is basic that spirituality cannot and must not be forced. Yet, I feel even now, almost a year later after you wrote this, that I would like to stretch out a friendly helping hand to you…
I want to share with you Miryam, a recent experience of something very powerful in our learning program albeit not strictly connected to this particular course. It happened with me on March 12 of 2022, when a large number of us were connecting from all over the world for a Zohar reading with Gil, and a joint kabbalistic prayer for peace in the World.
I didn’t take time to properly prepare. Still, it happened. Not right away but closer to the end of the “plenary” event, when Gil suggested that we formulate and write into the chat our own, personal prayers to add to the laconic texts of the common ones. Being momentarily in a low state of lack of self-confidence (I frequently have during and outside the study environment) I wrote something like that: I ask the Reforming Light to elevate me above my egoistic desires, so that I contribute with sufficient purity to the (common) prayer. I had to write slowly, re-read it and make corrections of omissions and typos due to the “slow writing mode” switched on for the surface. But in the moment I pressed the Send button, an overwhelming warmth – indeed like a light – enveloped, went inside and dissolved me. It felt a lot. Calm yet electrifying, being “heard and answered”, “knowing” that my desire was included in the prayer of the many, as well as something even more. A kind of a euphoric vibration, too, of an extended United Oneness. Meaning not just with the involved friends on the same frequency of the prayer, but a much broader United Oneness, too, with a positive empowerment to bestow. And it didn’t just come and go. For 2 days after I constantly remained at the same frequency, “knowing” that my experience is common with that of most of us participating in the prayer. Even now, as I’m writing this down, the same warmth and calmness is invoked in my head and chest from time to time.
I know and respect that outside the Kabbalah environment there can be and are pure and powerful prayers/meditations, too, performed by faith based groups. Prior to Kabbalah/KabU I had many personal – I assume now – egoistic prayers to gain understanding/solution of confusing, sometimes direct life-threatening events. And felt I got answers/direct support in the form of either lucrative dreams or even instant life experiences, all providing me guidance for positive practical solutions. I was and remain very grateful for those! But wanted to understand with my mind, too, as to what phenomenon exactly is this; why, how and with whom this “communication” exists;Â and how – I always presumed – those work not just for me but for every one of us? That was, how I arrived to Kabbalah, and now feel “rewarded” with a comprehensive “answer” by the described practical experience for many of us.
So, wherever you may be dear Miryam, whether outside or inside the Kabbalah environment I wish for you, too, to become the conscious part of being United for Bestowal, and experience its euphoric yet calming frequency.
With love, M.
I am not accustomed to thinking of my soul as something outside of my body, much less a soul that only really exists as group-soul de facto, not as a mere concept of “we’re all part of one humanity” but actually. That my soul (either as me or as mine) has no independent existence, so is not really “I/me/mine”, but “us/we/ours.”
Not accustomed doesn’t mean I can’t conceptualize it. I would have rejected it out of hand for much of my life, or if this had been presented without the progression through the various classes here. But I got a taste of this while participating in group activity in the virtual version of the last “retreat” and I can’t deny it. Having the lectures and readings to elaborate on the science of what I experienced then has been reinforcing and appreciated.
Dear Ones,
It has become clear to me that the Creator has another path, another plan for me than the Wisdom of Kabbalah. Everything I have received from the teachings, teachers, students, participants – past, present and future -is so precious to me. I wish everyone the very best, always, and since my wish is in alignment with the Creator, I know that it is coming true in every now.
With Love, Miryam
Trust the process. Even when it doesnt feel like anything is happening, especially during the times that you feel like you’re regressing, something is happening. We are continually moving towards the Creator. I look forward to being part of the group of ten. I hope that it turns out to be an incubator and nurturer of all the points in the heart to keep growing closer together and in the process reach greater adhesion with the creator.
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