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Hi ,
I actually laughed out loud at the descriptions of us bargaining with our creator to achieve some egoistic desire….it was very funny. I identified myself very clearly in this infantile role. It seems so ridiculous when the light of truth reveals our crazy ego and its circuitous, futile manipulations!!I also related closely to how tricky our ego can be in convincing us that Kabbalah and pursuing the light is too hard ,crazy , is not a real path etc ….that is a frequent visitor for me!
The explanation concerning religion resonates with me. Spending time pleading with the Creator instead of embarking on a path of change can be all consuming. Learning the feeling prayer and the role of intentions really causes me to examine myself even in why I am here studying. This is truly life changing!
One of the problems I am having is that, after 5 weeks on Part 1 and 3 weeks into Part 2, I am noticing that the LANGUAGING, the phrases people are using to describe their thoughts, has become very ingrained with the way the concepts are encapsulated in the course.  Does this have an effect on the thinking which is being expressed?   For me, it makes it quite hard to actually understand what is being said.
Today I came to the conclusion, that the soul is dreaming of itself being the Creator creating. That is what is described in the Genesis. The man, super-ego projecting itself on the Creator. Seeing Him like itself. Mindblowing! A Creator that punishes!? That asks me for sacrifice!? For limitations!? He ask for willingnes, and He does not force me to anything, never! That destroys!? This is the art of ego! I have never experienced god like this, unconscious people were like that, being that way through their own will!
okay guys, I’m stuck here, for 3 weeks, or 4. “there is non else besides him” I can take. But that God the Creator contains bad, deadly, unbrotherly, destructive things that the ego has inside, I can’t take that. Religion is when one who feels himself initiated tells another, whom the initiate regards as below himself, which is probably of God. And that’s not true. God is only love, God is only good, God is only gentle, HE knows my kind, my essence, HE is in me and I in HIM. I stand NOW, HERE, as HIS CREATION, in front of HIM. HE knows everything about and from me, HE knows my soul, my spirit, my intentions. To believe that HE made the ego’s program, the ego’s thought system, hurts me deeply. No, God would never abuse or hurt me, not in the slightest, even in the worldly terms of the ego. HE only gives good things, even in world terms. The ego, that is, the fight and blight of God, arose because my soul had doubts that I forgot to laugh about. From the moment of doubt the world and the ego emerged. Right now I’m standing naked in front of him and I want to know the truth. Religion is when guys tell you something to believe without checking it, without experiencing it. And what I have to take accordingly. If you do so, then I’m ready to say – fuck yourself! you are from Satan! God would never hurt me because he can only love me because I am his creation! And he needs no physical world, only I do! So that I get a separate feeling of me and HIM! Both the world and the ego – are my miscreations!!! And I take responsibility for that because I created the ego and I created this dream -or feeling – of being separated from HIM and restricted! which is not true! It’s a dream, God didn’t smuggle the ego into the system, but I, the soul! In my need to separate myself from HIM because I could not endure unity! Because I wanted to overcome him, be over him! THOSE are the real reasons, the reasons of the ego that doubts whether there is a Son of God. Not HE, but I separated from HIM because, influenced by the ego, I couldn’t bear to be under HIM! And because I had no overview at all of myself! So I stand before HIM, I have to bear all the responsibility! I created the doubt, I created the ego against the Creator!, forgetting to laugh about it! This is what I feel and experience! And the doubt and the Ego are both an illusion! They are just a simulation ment to make the delusion within the illusion complete! The Ego in its power! No. Not God, not the Creator gives me pain and confusion, but the ego, which I have created against God! I still could not have expressed, what is there on the foundation of my being, but now would be the text too much. so I let it stop here, hoping you will understand also the emotional and deep message I am now sending. Recap: I am experincing separation, because I have made the Ego, in order to keep myself back and polar from/to the Creator. I am carring the whole reponsibility, and because of this, I have the power to change it. I am not gonna give me free to be abused by the Ego, who says “is everything from God”, I will never love a Over-Power, which wants to harm me, to control me, to abuse me in the Name ofe God! Is time to say the truth. That way it popps out!. Savvy!?
Dear Clara,
Your words remind me of the ideas of another spiritual path, dearly known to me.
I think that it’s good to be patient, since we are learning the fundamentals, and not to prematurely compare it to other ways, because we can get confused by mixing ideas that we still have not totally understood. There is no need to react. If we are Love’s creation, then our natural response to all is only love. We have to watch our mind, to see if we are choosing separation and rejection instead of unity and connection. There is no need to defend myself or anything. Just to open our minds to receive all the loving wisdom of Kabbalah for us to grow and to ascent spiritually, by choosing connection, loving care and sharing. Please stay a little more and give it the chance.
With love
Thank you, Clara, for your response. To be honest, I think you are doing the work. Your words and thoughts are some things we all feel. I am thankful for being able to have the interaction with all of you. My thought is that I have felt separated from my Creator and then from those around me. My parents taught cause and effect, so I in some ways have a better acceptance of that. I just wanted to let you know that you are heard!!!
HI Clara,
I can feel where you are coming from, & would like to answer, and invite others to answer, too.
Yes, there do seem to be problems, in particular, it feels like you are asking, “Is G-d good?”.
In the first semester, we were told that G-d wants to delight us, and now we have heard stuff which seems to question that.
In many traditions, I ve heard that if you take one step towards G-d, He comes running to meet you.  But here we have been told, if you move towards G-d, He pushes you away ,and the more you want Him, the more He pushes you away. I find this a dubious reason to keep going, as if it was a person behaving like that, I d turn away, “OK, got the message”.  The message here is, at least, if you want the delight, you have to work for it & prove your devotion. In a way, I can see that, since humans in general are very fickle. Like a parent giving “tough love “.
But the part about us having built in EGOs, and a predetermined life, means that G-d has planned all the bad things we see around us. How can you blame the human ego, if the human had no choice? I can understand that maybe the egos are put there for us to overcome them. BUT, if all the things we do are predetermined, then that is really hard for me to accept, too, Clara.
The answer – only following this very narrow bit of freedom will get us there – well, more than 98% of all peoples do not have that awareness or opportunity, and that is by the predetermining design of the Creator.  so, at this stage, I too have very strong doubts.
How about the rest of you guys ? – new perspectives welcome !
The content is all intriguing and very rewarding to learn, but what is blowing my mind is the process itself. The ups and downs I’ve been experiencing and feeling my (old nature?) wanting to regain control of my thoughts and spirituality AND then to read the next part of the lesson that explains the process and how to handle it and proceed. That’s truly helping my process and I can see that the class content creators really know how to teach this. Much love and gratitude to you all
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