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I know “what” and “who” I am, I always have, I am a spiritual being, a “soul” temporarily trapped in a physical body here on this earth, in this time, to grow and to learn, and to develop my “soul” according to His divine plan until I have evolved enough to become “one” with the Creator. This I have always inherently known, I did not get this from studying Kabbalah, although, what I did NOT know, is…what exactly is the divine plan for my soul and for the souls of all of humanity.
At least now, as I struggle to study and learn and try to comprehend the wisdom of Kabbalah, I am beginning to understand the divine plan, to fulfill the Thought of Creation and become “one” with Him.
I struggle with the idea that I must learn to love others as I love myself, for that is NOT human nature, and it certainly isn’t my nature, it does NOT come naturally to me. Further to that point, it seems this is a quality of a divine, perfectly flawless spiritual entity, but I am in a physical world with a physical body with physical desires that serve my physical body, in the physical realm where I currently exist, so, the thought of even attempting to “Love thy Neighbor, as Thyself” seems like an impossible, overwhelming, daunting, and unachievable aspiration. I do not believe I am capable of achieving such a “Godlike” quality. Sure, I can believe that I may be able to love all of humanity, but only superficially, that is, to REALLY LOVE others as one loves himself/herself is quite another thing. So, I continue to study Kabbalah with the hope that somehow the “magic” will work itself on me and that I will get there, somehow, someday,…eventually.
There is also one thing that is really puzzling to me, in trying to comprehend the 4Phases of Direct Light, I continue to question the following:
A. If the “Thought of Creation” was to create a “Creature” and to fill the “Creature” with unbounded love pleasure, as the Kabbalists teach, then why wasn’t the Creature just created to receive all of the unbounded pleasure that the Creator wanted to give it? After all, the Creator was in charge of his own Creation, so why not create the being in such a way as to be able to receive all of what the Creator wanted to bestow upon it’s “Creature”? Why the game? Why the need to have all the different Phases to make it work in order to fulfill the original Thought of Creation?
B. Why did the Creator have this “Thought of Creation” in the first place? If He “WAS”, “IS”, and “ALL” that there will ever be in existence, where no thing comes before or after HIM, then why did the “Thought of Creation” occur to the Creator in the first place? In other words, what precipitated the Creator’s original “Thought”? Was there some event or chain of events which occurred which influenced the Creator’s original “Thought”? Do the Kabbalists have any insights into this?
C. Did the Creator ever create another Creature for another purpose? Or even for the same purpose? Are we the result of the very first “Creation” attempt? Or, were there other “Creations” before us? And if so, what was the outcome? Do the Kabbalists have any insights into this?
D. How do the Kabbalists know that the 4 Phases of Direct Light is the template for all that exists? This question was asked by someone in one of the recorded live video courses I took, and the answer was that the Kabbalists “ATTAINED” it. What exactly does this mean? What does it mean to “ATTAIN” something? How does this happen? What exactly occurs? What exactly is experienced by the individual who is “ATTAINING”? And can this “ATTAINMENT” be witnessed by other individuals nearby? This whole concept of “ATTAINMENT” is nebulous to me.
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