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I feel that since I started searching for answers, including studying kabbalah, my egoism and that of others, our selfish intentions, became very visible to me to a degree that my shame and my contempt doesn’t allow me to participate in any social life. On top of that, i feel such a big shame of who I am, that every interaction with this presented system costs me a lot of overcoming.
Sometimes I get very angry when I hear people talking that creation has a good purpose while all i experienced in my life no matter if i try to connect or not is going down, down, down.
I’m a heavy soul who would even get kicked out of hell for being an awkward guest.
All i am doing here feels like working with a gun pointed at my back, a whip and a slavedriver who promises me a better future, that there is no coersion in what I do now, he would just make me run by feeling pain. So i run, run, run.
Do i need to believe that there is a good purpose in this work in order to experience the good outcome later?
When will this horror show finally stop?
From the view of Taoism and the I Ching, one thing can not experienced without its opposite, and that we are evolving through seasons. What is currently happening is the winter of our soul, and it’s a long cold lonely winter, and I’m not sure how long it is going to take. I have had to live under corona conditions starting from already 10 years before the outbreak, and now I even feel a bit satisfied to know that now I don’t have to carry this burden alone anymore. I desired this destruction for breaking the will of the judgmental people who nnever experienced shit in their lifes, so that we all arrived at the same page now. Of course I want to reach the opposite state, but first this here needs to reach a peak.
So there were two consecutive shatterings once in Nikudim in Gadlut and then later in Adam Harishon after the forming of Atzilut? Or did this all occur during the shattering in Nikudim?
That all of our advancement depends on our attitude towards everything, how we relate to it, and that even this depends only on the creator.
There is a certain period when we first come into contact with this wisdom and a series of awakenings happen, and then disconnection, and we want to blame ourselves, then the creator, and then he brings us back to show us exactly this, that everything depends on him.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>And now at this point we can have the capacity to understand what fear is and how it is necessary to build a Masach, and I pray for every single Point in the Heart that this process will be accelerated.</p>
I want to say it all in not so many words, with the words of a brother of a German ten has given me:You can do anything you want, but you can not leave his path.
Thank you
