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Well said, Sober Crimson. I first watched the Kabbalah Revealed series in 2016. It found me. I didn’t fully appreciate how real it was, even though I knew it was definitely real in my heart, and I have been on the Path of Pain ever since. It seems like it’s been a humming in the background of my life since then, and it’s just been getting louder and louder until now, and I feel like I can’t ignore it anymore.
I have struggled with this same problem, and I have wondered about applying the principle of There is None Else Beside Him. Guilt and shame can be very complex emotions. Sometimes, None Else Beside Him makes me feel so much better; so much relief; like putting salve on a burn, but other times I worry that I am not taking enough accountability for my past mistakes. I don’t want to blame the Creator, or use Him as a scapegoat, if that’s even possible. I worry about it.
I also worry if I try to explain this to others  (especially those I feel like I have harmed in the past) that they won’t understand and accuse me of avoiding responsibility for my actions.
I can relate to this so much, right now. I feel sort of desensitized and unsatisfied with almost everything in my life except studying Kabbalah. My partner and children, and school still bring me joy, but it’s less about them as individuals and more about observing and serving the Creator through our relationship.
I notice the more I study Kabbalah, the less I am fulfilled by worldly things, and I feel that this is the Upper Force evolving me; pushing me towards enlightenment.
