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All that happens when we study Kabbalah is that what we already are is revealed to us more and more. I’m a desire to receive for myself, and there’s nothing else in me. But I still think there is something besides that. A light needs to shine a little deeper and then I’ll see that. And that will be good because there’s an Upper Force that is ready to help me with every little request that is in this direction. But I don’t ask yet because for me there’s no real need. That’s why it needs to first be revealed to me, so I’ll be able to truly ask.
Try not to kick yourself as that doesn’t help whatsoever and there’s no commandment to feel bad. Baal HaSulam writes that the difference between a simple person and a great righteous is in how much of the evil in him is revealed. Everyone else around me feels just fine because all the matter of correction is still concealed in them. This is why Baal HaSulam writes that he is not sorry about the evil that got revealed, but he’s sorry for the evil that remains hidden from view. With what’s revealed I can already tell the Creator that He made me like this, and I demand that he change it.
The matter is simply that you’re imagining a state where you reveal some being outside the Kli. This will never happen. The Creator we reveal is only that which we know by becoming like the quality of bestowal and by this we say “this is Him”. But we never reveal Atzmuto (His Essence).
After I reach spirituality I can measure it by the Aviut (coarseness) and Kashiut (hardness) of the Masach (screen), by the Ohr Yashar (direct light) that strikes the Masach, and by the Ohr Hozer (reflected light) that returns to the source.
“It is not that the friends must love me, but rather I must love the friends.” The friend has a heart of stone so that I can organize my correct prayer inside, and outside, see what we can do to help them. The outside part is an art, as “one whose friend does not like pickles cannot treat his friend to pickles.” This is the work, to organize me inner attitude, as well as see how I can open the heart of the friend. One friend gives me work like this, another gives me work like that. It’s all for my correction.
I appreciate your desire to connect everyone and help. Friends can write to the support email if they need help with the retreat. Our experience with students being in contact through non-mediated channels, without going through the Young Group has been that it’s not beneficial and actually subtracts.
