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During the pandemic I took the courage to leave my job and start a business with my younger brother. I had saved some money to keep us afloat however the money ended way before our business started to take off. Thus, my brother and I struggled a lot financially for a good while – I’d say that we really went through our share of humiliating situations in our lowest points. As soon as my money ended I feel like I’ve fallen in despair to the point that getting money was the only thing that mattered to me and I’ve abandoned any serious spiritual pursuit. I basically didn’t advance with my (very beginner) studies and only kept up with TGT weekly podcast, even if the thought of coming back to study here at some point rarely left my mind.
I eventually got a part-time consulting job that got us through this challenging phase and our business is finally starting to bloom. My bond with my brother is stronger than ever and I feel very happy to have chosen to pursuit my dream of having my own business.
Yet, even after things started to get better financially, I still find myself with a deep-rooted desire to “get rich”. I feel torn as I feel that I should want to develop myself spiritually instead of only focusing on money. It’s not like that (a) I’m under the impression that my life will be perfect when I “get rich” or that (b) I believe I’ll become “satisfied” when I get an “x amount” of money, as I know and feel that the spiritual path is where true satisfaction lies. Yet, I still feel that I need to become rich to have freedom to do what I want.
In other words, I want to develop myself spiritually but I don’t genuinely desire to stop my material pursuits. This anguishes me. Recently I’ve gotten to the point of preferring to spend my time reading things that seems like bastardizations of the principle of the Equivalence of Form – such as “Law of Attraction” – instead of getting back to study Kabbalah, as it’s basically about the material word and getting what you want in the material world. Looking back, I feel kind of ashamed and foolish (in lack of better words) for trying to make spirituality an instrument for material gains.
I apologize for the long rant but I feel like I don’t really have anyone around me to talk about this, or better yet, to give me some guidance. I’d like to understand if my pursuit of material success has any meaning or legitimacy or if it’s only a consequence of being fixated with it (probably since I was a child) plus this tough financial situation I’ve faced of the last couple years.
Kabbalah leads us to a clearer perception of reality by helping us to understand beyond what can be grasped by our physical senses.
