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I have had the same experience, when I first studied, that it all seemed very unfairly constructed.
The problem was that the context for all these things is so vast that you have to start somewhere, which means everything is out of context when you first learn about it. Later on the meaning seems to be the exact opposite of what it first seemed to be.
In my experience it was worthwhile to keep learning and I hope you do.
Maybe when we make some effort and get some small amount of revelation of the Creator we will fall so much in love with Him that it begins to solve our motivation problem. Because it seems like true Love is a form of egoism where the desire gets so extreme it kind of goes haywire and turns altruistic.
In an experience like Nika described where the “heart swells with joy,” if you think of that as coming from the Creator in that moment, does it constitute a prayer for the Light to come into the collective? Does that work to operate on some spiritual level?
How do you connect it to Him? more specifically. It sounds like you have a mental process for working on yourself and I would very much like to hear about that.
For some context: Anupam’s questions really speaks to me, because I used to feel like I connected everything I do to God through rituals like in Vastu and bakhti yoga, where every household chore, every food, every mantra, every action can be a remedial measure for a specific deity. That has been very fulfilling in my life. But when I study Kabbalah I feel emotional distance from the same rituals, intentions and prayers that used to make me feel close to God before.
It is almost like my compass got broken a little bit and I can tell that I am pointing generally North, but just a bit off, and it is more and more clear that “just a bit off” is never going to get me there. The only time now that I feel like I’m pointing North and can formulate a genuine prayer is when something highly emotional happens. Like when I see something horrible in the news or on social media. Or when I see something extremely touching that gives me a momentary longing for the world to be more like that specific thing.
This isn’t a feeling I can generate in a formulaic way, like I used to do with my remedial measures.
How do you do it?
I recall somewhere it said that in the real spiritual world everything is complete, One, and infinitely pleasurable. And that time doesn’t exist. That would seem to imply that what we are experiencing now is the every cause and effect in a long chain of events that results in that perfection. As if the end point existed first, and time unfolded backward from there.
That is how my mind connects the idea of this infinite interconnected machine that Seth mentions, to our reality. As if it wasn’t so much a question of predetermination, but simply… this is everything that had to have happened for that perfect machine to consciously exist in free will and agreement with itself.
Since the only thing that was created was the singular desire that our collective is composed of, I think it would make sense it includes every single thing in this reality. In a way, it makes the question of alien life kind of irrelevant. Because either they exist and they are part of us, and we will know them when we all come together. Or they don’t exist in this reality. That is my thought on it.
I also think about all this discussion of the limitations of our five senses. We cannot know if the massive “space” we perceive around us is actually that much matter and space, or just our interpretation of the size of the inanimate level compared to the self we identify as. Or maybe each of us is like in our own holographic universe of our own perception, like a single fiber in a fiber optic cable, and the difference is a mathematical harmonic and not space that separates us. There are a million ideas I can think of how it could work.
But it all seems irrelevant. (Interesting, and fun to think about, but irrelevant.) Because no matter what it is it still fits with what the Kabbalists say. IMHO
