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If i cannot describe with words out loud to my ten what is in my heart, does this means that I am not yet in attainment of it, the “thing” I’d be trying to describe? Or is this simply a deficiency of knowledge which can be remedied by studying? In the first case it could be that if I cannot describe, then I’ve not yet attained. In the second case I may well have attained but I lack the permission to share it. Or maybe there is some other third case, i don’t know. Hopefully this question makes sense… I’ve been struggling to express myself recently…
Could workshop rules be applied to creating a common prayer in the ten? What are some guidelines for a person to consider when writing a prayer into a group-chat: text that is formatted together with the additions from other members of the ten to create one common prayer of the day? Each person contributes to the whole and I’m wondering if there is an established approach or recommendations for writing in a way that can bring the ten closer to the creator and avoid it being charity.
Why am I powerless to avoid a decent, even when i can see the trough of the wave is approaching? For example one day i have a fantastic feeling of being so in love and concerned for the friends, i volunteer all sort of things toward them and aspire for equivalence of form with all my heart. Then, a couple days later, I’m skipping meetings and am more interested in what I’m having for lunch, even though I continue to receive reminders and invitations to engage. I’m stuck as to why this keeps happening and why each time there is more internal resistance to overcome.
When the friends thank me I don’t know how to react because it’s not “me” they are thanking and I can’t take credit for what occurs through me. How do i relate to this in order to give joy to the friends at the same time as being a zero?
What about when i feel resistance before engaging in lessons, readings, and meeting with the ten? I know that it’s important to engage no matter the feeling, and that the feeling can indicate where i am relative to “what brings me closer to the Creator”. I know that joy is a great commandment, so enjoying the work is not necessarily a bad thing. I know that engaging with Kabbalah is generally always a good thing. It’s just there is a thought that says “I will only engage on my terms when it suits me” which seems antithetical to what I’ve learnt so far. Advice that I have heard many times is to make a consistent time everyday to dedicate toward studying, yet this is really difficult for me to achieve. There is something missing here…
