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Cyndi,
These are great questions and they are all in the correct place.
Who am I? What am I doing? Can I get out of this hell? How? Does what I do matter?
These are the most valid questions.
And it should be clear to you that you are rising above the level of “beast” of the animate degree. Animals don’t ask these questions. And we, all the nice primates around us wearing clothes and driving to work, most are not bothered by these questions too much that they are ready to do something. Usually we cover the questions or drown them out until we can barely hear them. But you are asking them and they are growing and this is the beginning of our exit from a regular corporeal life and the little light that starts to shine at the entrance to a spiritual reality.
Regarding prayer, the desire of the heart is the prayer. We can say a lot of words and it is good to speak to the Creator like your best friend, say anything, whatever you want, you are confused, you are grateful, you are upset, you are overjoyed, speak to Him. The words are not as important as the heart is the true prayer and we use our words to help express or guide the heart sometimes.
You are on track.
Good luck and keep going,
Seth@KabUMarcia,
Imagine that a child made her first finger painting. It is a big wet mess on paper and she brings it to you so proud. She is giving and you are receiving the painting.
Now if you deny it, if you look at her with disgust at how messy and dirty it is, and you don’t receive so what happens? But if you receive it, you are actually giving her love and support and confidence.
So in this example, by receiving, you are giving to the child.
By this we start to understand that bestowing is not something that happens with the hand and feet, it is an inner attitude that whatever I am doing, giving, receiving, etc, but my inner attitude inverts from one of self-love to love of the other, which leads to love of the Creator.
We will learn about this more soon.
Seth@KabUShel,
I see how confused you are in this process.
That’s actually a good sign and it’s very normal.
All of a sudden you found yourself in a place where we are talking about perceiving reality in a different way, that maybe the reality is not what we thought it was.
But shel, when you look at a child in playing with the other children in the yard, the truth is that the parents are watching over them, the truth is that there are boundaries to the yard that they don’t go out of, the truth is dinner will be on the table tonight and they will have no part in making that happen…they are kids and to the kids, they feel that they are playing and there is no other world, they are not thinking about wars in other parts of the world or about the mortgage or about preparing dinner, but nevertheless their reality is valid. More than that the child’s reality, those children’s games are an absolute critical part of each person’s development. Of course a child learning to play with others is not thinking about unemployment, inflation and the military industrial complex.
So towards spirituality, we are just like those little children in the yard.
According to corporeality/material reality we are adults with work and family and recreation, etc.
You need to learn like an expert craftsman to differentiate between the two.
If you do this well, you will advance smoothly and quickly. If you mix up the two you will spin around in confusions and it will take much longer.
Of course we need to try on all the concepts we are learning…who is controlling my thoughts, are my thoughts mine, etc. But mostly in regard to our spiritual study and the work we will do with each other in the kabbalistic environment.
This is why it is so important at this time to study the fundamentals of the wisdom thoroughly.
You are made of a still, vegetative and animate part too. Your body, your organs, your home, etc. Live a normal life.
And in your (still, vegatative, animate,…)…human part, your spiritual part, that is where you make your spiritual discernments.
So sharpen your questions, open your notebook, write them down, cross them out, edit them and develop them. You don’t even need to ask because as you do the work to form the questions you will see that the light enters that vessel and you will start to already understand bit by bit.
The hero is the patient one,
Seth@KabULora,
You are correct. When we are not relating to the Creator directly, then He dresses in garments of this world on the four degrees of inanimate, vegetative, animate and speaking.  All of reality is the Creator clothed in it.
Seth@KabULora,
We aren’t upset when a little baby expresses its desire, in fact we enjoy it. When a baby is hungry and demands to be fed, we are happy that he is healthy, in fact we would get nervous if the baby did not express hunger and the desire to grow.
When do we get annoyed? When the baby grows and then not just that he wants, but he wants in some conniving way. That is what bothers us, when a person wants at the expense of others. So it is not the desire itself, but when the person desires for the sake of himself only.
In both of these degrees, there is no awareness of the Creator.
The baby doesn’t recognize the existence of the Creator.
And a person from the general public also does not relate to the Creator, this person desires something and tries to acquire it.
But when a person develops beyond the general public and this person starts to feel that there is a Creator and that I am opposite from the Creator and I feel such shame that I live only for myself and the Creator is bestowing upon all of creation and I can’t stand to receive like this, then my desire changes, I must escape from this shame and this draws upon us a new light that reformats our vessel.
All of the desire is called Malchut.
Seth@KabU
