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- April 21, 2024 at 4:55 am EDT in reply to: Reflect: Share something from the lesson that blew your mind, or even just gave you a new perspective. #369900Simona Vazquez-SartoriParticipant
The closer I get, the further I feel.
The higher I get, the smaller I feel.
Yet I can willingly look at the person next to me and decide to look at the Creator. Then something BIG happens inside my heart. It does not stay, but a sparkle is another beginning!
April 14, 2024 at 9:40 am EDT in reply to: Reflect: Share something from the lesson that blew your mind, or even just gave you a new perspective. #369049Simona Vazquez-SartoriParticipantI need to develop new terms for how I feel and what blew my mind. I started to study kaballah to gain more insight, become more spiritual, gain wisdom etc… now I find myself with more boundaries, more ego and more shame and disgust about myself than I ever had. It’s like a huge light beamed on me showing me only dark sides. Dark sides I was created to be. Kind of hard to swallow yet it feels just so real.
And it answers so many questions.
I have looked for since birth. I must have come in already into single concealment although I remember being way more connected as a child, way more aware. Then suffering started yet I didn’t give up, I kept looking and searching and I don’t ever remember blaming the Creator only for the shadows. I blamed it on my inability to understand, to see, to comprehend what was wanted by me and some occasional fights.
I thought I had it down. Nothing in this life is actually real? Of course not. I even had a comprehension of the root and branches albeit not as simple and sophisticated. I knew pain was a push.
Yet now I feel I know absolutely nothing. I see only desires. Big, mostly stupid and worthless desires I would do anything to fulfill. And some I do, and when I do I feel even more empty and stupid and worthless as I know that’s NOT what I really want but I can’t help myself.
I’ve never been a big shopper, never compared myself to many others, the occasional treat, some tech stuff I’d enjoy the upgrade but the intensity of my latest desires is insane! I want to buy anything and everything and for no good reason.
I understand, from my studies, this is useful to see my distance from the Creator, my make, and my limits, and I do ask for correction non stop and I do delete 99% of carts unless I can buy something FOR someone else to TRY and shift my intent.
But it’s HARD.
It’s exhausting.
And I feel like I’m failing every day, every moment.
I feel like a small child barely able to walk. Yet I want to run.
Anyhow, this was quite a rant but I felt like sharing. I love you all and I love even the hardest moments. I can’t wait to learn from the group and see what more my ego has to give! I guess…
April 8, 2024 at 11:32 am EDT in reply to: How do you think you could tune into the right frequency to begin to experience higher levels of human existence? #368415Simona Vazquez-SartoriParticipantAll of the above?
April 7, 2024 at 6:52 am EDT in reply to: Preparation Question: The importance of clearly defining the goal in the study of Kabbalah is the beginning of the path. Once the goal is defined, you will continue to refine it to keep yourself perfectly aimed at the target. How would you currently define the goal for which you are studying? #368241Simona Vazquez-SartoriParticipantTo perceive Him and cling to Him.
April 3, 2024 at 9:23 am EDT in reply to: Introduce yourself to your fellow students. Write a few words about yourself and about what you expect from the course #367675Simona Vazquez-SartoriParticipantHi everyone, Simona from lots of places currently living in Spain but after so many curses I have no real idea of where I really am, I’m working my way into the wisdom of Kabbalah to make my way up that ladder and learn to change my intention and be corrected.
March 31, 2024 at 9:49 am EDT in reply to: Reflect: Share something from the lesson that blew your mind, or even just gave you a new perspective. #367300Simona Vazquez-SartoriParticipantThere’s a part of me that is so relieved about not having free will, about knowing that all my thoughts are actually put there by Him. And then there’s a part that wants to deny this but I think this contradiction is quite ok, it shows me where I’m at right now.
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