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I have often asked questions of instructors at KabU and have received replies that were clearly from a place of ignorance and lack of attainment. Don’t get me wrong, I am very fond of most of the KabU instructors – and I am very grateful for their goodwill attempts to point the way to wisdom. However, in the end, the pursuit of the wisdom of Kabbalah is all about the group, the books, and the Rav – with the Rav as the ultimate arbiter of attained truth, since it is he (presumably) who has attained the highest degree of wisdom in the school.
Of course, I understand that there is an assumption that the instructors may indirectly voice what the Rav might have said in the same situation. And clearly Rav Laitman has entrusted the instructors to perform his guidance by proxy.
Nevertheless, the Rav’s blessing notwithstanding, I have many questions that the instructors are clearly not competent to field. These are questions that can be adequately answered ONLY by someone who has actually attained the Upper Worlds.
In all authentic spiritual traditions, there is a living master who makes himself or herself directly accessible to querent, students, and disciples. This direct source of wisdom does not farm out his presence to intermediaries. So, I guess what I’m asking for is to have more direct access to the Rav, such that I am able to ask in-depth and extensive questions that are not wasted on someone who has not attained the Upper Worlds and who is, therefore, only guessing, or just saying “I don’t know” all the time.
Dear Instructor, Thank you for all your replies which have helped me.
I really don’t have anyone to explain this to so here I go.
At a time back in May this year when I had been reading Shamati, and, as always, not fully understanding what was put to me but just letting it flow. I took a short break and sat on a canvas deckchair at the bottom of the garden alone. At that moment my mind was absent and I just sat in quietness and was overcome by a deep yearning, it was almost as if I had turned myself inside out so strong was this feeling.  I didn’t question what was happening but just let it flow. I have never really yearned so strongly for anything and it was so moving. This yearning lasted for about 5 minutes after which I could not sustain that emotional ‘charge’ as it was tiring to do. You see, I didn’t really know what I was yearning for but it was from a deep place; immediately after this had happened, it was as if I had returned from somewhere and for a moment there was a sense of peace at which time I just looked at the cherry trees and felt, in some way or another, that they had borne witness to what had just happened. I felt as if for all my life I have been mute but at that instant I had let out the tiniest husky shrill sound and I realise that I was no longer mute in this figurative sense. After this, I sat for some time; I sobbed a little as I was moved and then went back into the house.
I don’t know what happened but I feel that something saw and felt that yearning and for the briefest of seconds I felt as if I was not alone. I hope to return to that place when the time is right.
Does this make sense at all. Thank you and warm wishes again. Lyndon.
Hi Lyndon. I would say that all our experiences, both inner and outer, make sense. Everything that happens to us is sent from the Creator. And, in one way or another, they are sent to bring us closer to Him. Normally we don’t discuss our inner experiences because our goal is the group experience of a connected 10.
Our Young Group homework is to listen to the daily Lesson Sep 24, 2020Â Part 1 Lesson on the topic of “Work with Faith Above Reason”, lesson 29,
Rav says these words at around the five minute mark:
“…then if we approach every moment in our lives in this way and …. Â and we ask him to connect us and we are successful to such an extent that we are able to draw him to clothe in us..”
“..when he dresses in us as a force of bestowal..”
I can get a feeling for what  ‘clothe in us’ and ‘dresses in us’ mean, but they seem like terms of art with a very specific meaning. What are they intended to mean? / Thanks
Hello David. Unless a force is “dressed” in something it cannot be perceived, and therefore doesn’t exist as far as we are concerned. We often use the example of electricity. No one has ever seen electricity, but we see it dressed in lighting, feelings of shock, magnetic fields, Tesla autos, etc.
Closer to home, we find the force of the will to receive dressed in us. This force makes us do what we do. The study of kabbalah aims at having the opposite force, the force of bestowal, also dress in us.
Dear instructor,
My second question today is about feelings.
Studying with an ardent desire to progress and being vigilant and progressing is a lifelong commitment.  I have the re-occurring and niggling feeling(s) that the goal, the prize, that which I am striving to achieve and that which I sincerely want with all my heart will not be mine for such a long time so far that it is in some distant future a million miles from me now.
This is in itself crushing but combined with the recognition that until I have attained the goal of truth I am subject to all of life’s ups-and-downs, losses, tragedies, illnesses, loss of loved ones, death and so on and so on. Sometimes these thoughts and feelings are unbearable; the recognition of what I will have to go through in order to attain a true final victory is sometimes too much me to bear.
I feel that all the studying I do, reading, considering, feeling, wanting etc are but akin to laying foundation blocks upon which something in the future may be constructed but I am uncertain.
I recognise the above isn’t really a question but, equally, if you have any pointers these would be warmly appreciated. Warm wishes again (apologies if I am being heavy). Lyndon.
Hello Lyndon. To my knowledge, everyone on this path goes through such feelings, and more than once. That’s one of the reasons we study in groups. We help each other. When one is down the others pick him up. Everyone gets their turn at this. Rabash speaks of this in several places. We always remember to help our Friends because our time of need will come. All the ups and downs, ins and outs, come to us from the Creator for our benefit.
Dear Instructor,
My question is about bestowal.
In a sincere attempt to progress I have tried to apply, in practical terms, the idea of bestowal as I feel that it something one has to do; but as I have absolutely no construct or idea of what bestowal is I am in a muddle and at loss.
In-class people speak of being kind or being patient with work colleagues etc. but I feel that this does not come anywhere near to what bestowal really is as I sense deeply that true bestowal is a complete and utter change in one’s nature and thus so much more than this surly.
I am concerned that, as the wily old ego is such a cunning trickster and I still 100% beguiled, I could so easily become ensnared by being kind and patient to engender good feeling which is so false and I am holding out until I have some sense of what bestowal might actually be without indulging in surface platitudes with work colleagues, family members and friends thinking this is bestowal when all it is doing is feeding one’s ego who will run of saying “oh Lyndon you are such a nice kind person”.
I am still in profound darkness regarding bestowal, can you offer any words of help or advice regarding this as someone who has not even the slightest idea of what this might be or how to change.
Warmest wishes. Lyndon.
Hello Lyndon. I also don’t know what bestowal is, that’s why we study kabbalah. The text book answer is that bestowal is the ability to make an action without receiving any reward. We can get some start on understanding what bestowal is by noting what it is not. In other words, as you pointed out, seeing that no matter what I do my ego gets some reward. Here’s a link to a Rabash article on the subject:
http://www.kabbalah.info/eng/content/view/frame/115988?/eng/content/view/full/115988&main
Hello Wikus, good question. Basically, a disturbance is anything that distracts me from the goal of revealing the Creator. However, a disturbances are an important part of the process. Here’s a quote from Baal HaSulam that speaks to this.
Baal HaSulam, Shamati, Article No. 172, “The Matter of Preventions and Delays”
All the preventions and delays that appear before our eyes are but a form of nearing—the Creator wants to bring us closer, and all these preventions bring us only nearing, since without them we would have no possibility of approaching Him. This is so because, by nature, there is no greater distance, as we are made of pure matter while the Creator is higher than high. Only when one begins to approach does he begin to feel the distance between us. And any prevention one overcomes brings the way closer for that person. This is so because one grows accustomed to moving on a line of growing farther.
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