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Sometimes I’m frightened to come to class or watch the related videos… for some reason there are times that it fills me with an intense anxiety, I get a very real fear of death, and I wonder if this method is truly for me… but I know that it’s my ego. I don’t know how else to describe it… Is just that my ego afraid of dying or being absorbed into the group?
If I may add, both my mother and father have a history of drug and alcohol abuse. I have a 3 year old daughter and last night I had a glass of wine with my dinner. Not even half way through the glass when I feel the alcohol beginning to affect my sensation I got very uncomfortable as I wouldn’t want my daughter to have memories of me being intoxicated, or, G-d forbid, I raise my voice to her in her manic, tired state while under the influence. Such a thought is enough to illicit immense anxiety in me as all I can think about is how my parents were powerless to their whims… and I put the cup down and I don’t finish it.
My point is that both feelings are very similar, if not the same… anxiety at being even REMOTELY tipsy before my child and the feeling of coming to the class and being apart of the lectures… it’s an acute sensation of mortality and it’s not pleasant at all.
Maybe my question is how can I differentiate or am I supposed to differentiate between what I feel to be a bad decision that can be of harm that I’m supposed to listen to so as to not bring death and destruction into this world, and the ego that’s afraid of it’s own death and is filling me with anxiety which I need to overcome?Hi Jarret,
I need to stick the wisdom of Kabbalah, which is our area of expertise, and not venture into other realms such as psychology and medicine. First, so that we will not say redundant things that a psychologist or doctor could surely advise about; but more importantly, to delineate a clear line, where Kabbalah begins. Because at this line, all other wisdoms end.
What I can tell you is that the ego does not die. I don’t leave my family or my pleasures in life. Naturally, my ego resists the wisdom of Kabbalah because my ego does not wish to work in this direction. Thus, the ego is doing its job, which is to be a resistor, like you have in electrical systems or the spokes going backward in a bicycle. However, you state that you experience this phenomenon in situations that are unrelated to this study; so, it follows that it’s not one that is exclusive to your study of Kabbalah, and not necessarily related directly to it.
I did not like the example of “a mother” looking up to the father and bestowing upon the children. Why assume the father is above the mother? This example might require some adaptation to our times and the sensitivities of our times.
Impossible to update with the times as the times will change in ways that are to us as yet unimaginable. This is not talking about our world at all, except that the words used are familiar to students because there is a root and branch relationship between the forces that exist in the Upper World and the objects we perceive in our reality. In that Upper, eternal reality that existed before we fell into our perception of this world, and will exist as-is after our world disappears, as in a dream one was having, the Partzuf Abba (father, in translation) exists structurally above the mother on the one hand, while on the other hand he has no function or purpose or value in the system without Ima (mother), the Partzuf below her, and through Aba, the Light passes to Ima, and Ima passes it to lower Parzufim (spiritual vessels). Therefore, the times can change but these structures never change but remain as the order and structure that each and every person will find in their inevitable ascent up the spiritual ladder to the root of their soul. The examples can’t change either as they are such that they can be grasped at the level of our world, but later one discovers that they were eternal truths.
Why is it very important to only practice this in a Kabbalistic group? Should I not attempt to “build love on top of conflict” in my every day life, with coworkers, family, etc?
Even though that’s logical, there’s a reason why many people have tried to do this, and yet the love they build is not the love that Kabbalah says that if I reach love, I reveal the spiritual worlds. It’s because everything in reality is lawful, and like with the order of operation in solving a math equation, with respect to solving the equation with the Upper Force and me, there’s an order of operations. If I try to go out of order, then I’ll have to start all over and go in the right order. And the first operation has to be in the spiritual group. I have to succeed with those who want to reach the Creator together with me, and then I’ll see what (if anything!) is left to do with the rest of the people.
Great sessions so far.. I had a lot of questions then somehow most of them are answered. One question that I still need clarity… the thought came before the desire… right? Does this mean desire is ego?
In us, the desire precedes the thought. I want, so my brain activates to identify the desire and realize it. In the Creator, the thought came first, to create the desire, the desire shatters, and in that shattering the desire is called egoistic since it has an intention to receive only for itself now.
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