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In what way have I gained a deeper understanding of my life and of the forces working in the world?
My understanding of my life, before Kabbalah, was that the tragic events that happened to me were not of my choice I did not have free will to choose against them. There were other forces at work. However, when I did have free will to choose and made mistakes that caused suffering, the forces at work were of my own. I had choices. I just chose the wrong one. Did I know that at the time? No, I did not because I did not understand the forces of the world and if I happened to understand the forces of the world for a split second, I still chose the wrong path, not on purpose. At the time, I thought that was my only choice when in reality, there was an entire force outside of me, outside of my five senses with which I could have taken another path. I used to believe, looking back, that even mistakes that one made were to teach us something. Either not to do that action, or make that decision again. If so, hence, one had learned not to fall into that way of thinking, or deciding. I knew the word Altruism within the five senses, I have always had a sense beyond the five senses. However, I was completely blind in how to reach that true Altruism. To learn that everything created has been predetermined, gives me hope that when I fully understand, I can change my life in order to be side by side with the Creator. I believe in the Creator, always have. The irony is that it had never occurred to me that there was a path of bestowal to reach the Creator through a true path of pure Altruism.
I would say I’ve gained a deeper understanding trough all the situations – good and “bad” – that I’ve experienced in my life so far. To me they seem like lessons to learn about how to relate to the Creator; how to gain balance. And part of this is most probably also the discovery of teachers (spiritual ones, ordinary ones). Actually I would say, life itself has become a teacher to me.
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