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I gained comfort in knowing that I don’t have to understand every concept or word that’s being expressed in these lessons. (I’m watching a lot of figurative birds flying overhead). The analogy of the microwave oven made so much sense to me… I don’t have to know how the darn thing is made in order to get it to work – just push that button.
Another thing that was illuminating was to understand that I personally have a connection from my branch to a root above. It made the graphic drawn of the connections of all above more real for me. I live pretty isolated and lonely. Even just this one concept made my life here a bit easier to bear.
It seems so obvious now but I never realised that pleasure is a spiritual sensation, that it is amorphous and that the different clothes we dress pleasure in fool us into thinking there are actually different types of pleasure. That the only differences between people are the ways they choose to pursue pleasure. Makes sense that pleasure is essentially spiritual since the Creator made us to experience the ultimate pleasure in unity with Him! Also amazing that physical pleasure is basically electrical stimulation of our brains and can therefore be simulated. More confirmation that what we “experience” through our sensory receptors is all in our minds.
There was one thing that resonated with me in particular, and it was when we were told that it is a common experience among Kabbalah students to have periods where we feel we aren’t only not advancing, but we are even regressing.
This was so important for me to learn about this because it is exactly how I have felt these past couple of weeks.
Not only have I been falling behind (for reasons I won’t bore people with), but my PTSD has reared it’s very intrusive, ugly head to a degree such as I haven’t experienced since I was in my teens and my twenties (I’m 65 now), and I’ll admit that there were moments when I actually became quite frightened.
Now I am hopeful again. I have even posted a question, asking if I can continue to study (not get kicked) even though I have difficulty keeping up with the reading material. I know, if I get a positive answer, it will be easier for me to eventually catch up because the stress from feeling I have to hurry and read faster is actually making the whole thing worse, it slows me down even more.
There is a test this week that I haven’t been able to complete. It is the picture with 15 pieces of text and drawings that relates to Kabbalah. We are asked to tag at least 12 of these, but I could only tag 10 because I can’t see what the text says in several places (I am slightly vision impaired, and I also live in a very dark location).
There was a drawing that I’m pretty sure depicts connected dots within a circle, and with a piece of text with the word Kabbalah beneath it. But no matter where within that picture that I clicked, the engine gave me a yellow exclamation point (instead of a green tag or red minus).
There was also a picture that could look like a single Kli, but I came to the conclusion that it was most likely a cup of coffee (and there was another picture of four or five Kelim which I had already tagged).
I apologize, and hope that you will forgive me, that for the above reasons I was not able to complete this week’s tests.
Every single day as I look around and as I take in what I feel and think I am reminded that there is sooooo much more out there beyond our senses that we dont know about and that I act and react to only what is within my senses to understand. Which means we know practically nothing about nothing and it is humbling and exciting and inspiring. To know that the beginning of something doesnt start with a register of a sense, Neither does an “ending”.
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