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I want to share thankfulness that the Creator is the only force behind it all. I am also thankful to feel “OK” right now. Soon after I awoke this morning, I experienced a sense of lack that felt like anxiety. Because of what I am learning at KabU, this feeling is an “awareness device” that alerts me to work on my intention. As I began to focus on having the intention to receive for the sake of the Creator, for the sake of the soul of humanity, I began to feel “OK” again. I was able to feel both the sense of lack and the sense of being “OK” simultaneously.
What’s amazing to me, is that when I do the work to transform my intention to “for the sake of the Creator, for the sake of Creation without respect to me”, even though I fall short because I maintain a measure of “doing this helps me”, nevertheless, I receive a sense of “I am OK, all is well, the Creator’s intention for my benefit is beyond what I could ever intend for myself, this is going in the right direction”. I am gaining a new perspective in that moment. Could this be what it means to attain the spiritual worlds, to ascend?
I have tried many things over many years to overcome feelings of anxiety and depression. Having come up short of that goal for many years, feeling defeated, incapable, not enough, I formed the view that only God could help me. If only he would. If he would do the work necessary to save me, to fix me. But that never happened. I believed that God/the Universe/Source/the Great Mystery was love and could help me, but for some reason would not.
Then, Kabbalah taught me that I have to do the work, hard work, and it scared me. I felt fear, like I can’t do this. But something inside me said this is the direction I need to take. I may approach it with fear, but if I take small steps – one lesson at time, watch the video, interact, read the recommended reading, and trust the process, this will result in salvation.
So, now I am feeling this salvation at work. I am so thankful to be gaining a new awareness about reality. I am appreciative that the Creator works things out this way. It feels satisfying to face fear and overcome. It’s as if you have to put forth the effort as if it all depends upon you, while at the same time have faith that the Creator is behind it all working it out for us all, and that it will work out because of him and him only. It’s a paradox. Yet, it feels satisfying to learn how life works and to put it into practice it.
Also, I am thankful for the people behind KabU! Thank you for your effort, for your work, for your study, for your practice.
Oh how twisted and confusing religion has interpreted the simple Truth!
This week’s lesson doubled down on information. A number of things caused gasps. For instance, I read Shamati (which I love reading) page 158 last paragraph, to the middle of page 159 many times. Every time I think I understand it and the logic and reasoning behind it, I come up with different questions. I need a little clarification about something I must have missed, or misunderstood.
The stereograms in the Interact section blew my mind; that once we are able to perceive None Else Besides Him we will “be able to locate this singular force working all through reality” then seeing the solution, and just as it says, knowing the solution does not help.
I still do not perceive the pictures or solutions in the stereographs, but this little exercise has influenced my perceptions of reality–i find myself questioning what i perceive, what i do not perceive, and a desire to perceive None Else Besides Him.
I thought i had answers, that i could influence my future, that i knew what was real and i do not; so i feel anxiety and doubts that get calmed because this singular force (the will to bestow unending joy on the creature) is constant, eternal, absolute it cannot and will not ever change no matter what i or anyone else thinks or believes–this force has always been there and will always be there. Peace unto you
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