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2. Another notion that also blew my mind was that one can be gifted an enlightenment experience, but one can’t just sit on our laurels, thinking that’s all there is, and not continue to strive towards God. That really speaks to me because very long ago I have been gifted such a powerful experience, however instead of working intensely with it, I totally lost myself in the roller coaster of the unfolding dramas of my life, resulting in total confusion and concealment from God. Therefore I relish in what I have found to this point in the tools and the systemic methods the Kabbalah provides, as I relearn to reconnect and depend on the Creator, and strive to learn from His teachings. So all the Kabbalah messages are very relevant to me and reach me personally.
Reflecting on the notion that “There is nothing else besides Him “, I have begun to start feeling gratitude for some of the painful events I experienced. The understanding that all has led me to this point has started to take root.
About the upper worlds, there is a tremendous amount that is concealed to our perception. I also agree that we are individually very little in the whole scheme of things. I remembered feeling selfless, full of boundless love and joy as a child, and I feel puzzled that with time I have grown to become somewhat self-conscious and egoistic, all in order to now wanting to reverse this process, desiring only to cultivate altruism at this current stage in life, and putting so much effort daily into returning to what used to be totally natural…..
I keep on writing because I keep on getting my mind blown by this whole thing, & I have no-one among my friends who I can talk to – its just you guys! So it d be nice to get some of your thoughts on this.
It all seems a paradox. The Creator wants to fill us with delight, & has only given us a will to receive – but he will only answer our prayer, when it is a 100% desperate prayer for Him to fulfil us. In other words, he keeps us unfulfilled until we turn to Him. Very conditional. And the ONLY bit of free-will we have, is in making this choice, or not. It is inevitable that we will make it in the end, and so even this is not a free choice. And so what happens when we make this choice – we get filled with the Light of Creator. This total unity thing blows my mind. It all feels so very convoluted, turned in on itself
You know what? I’m guessing that, since There is none else but Him, that He is also trapped within Himself ! And if He puts every thought in my mind, does He think so too ?
It seems to me that the videos are saying, “Watch out! You re going to get tested! ”
If, having some degree of desire to bond with G-d, and the result is to be pushed away, I m not sure the result will be to try harder. If the harder you try, the more you get pushed away, until the point of complete doubt and despair – well, yes, I can see , at that point you might give it 100%.     Does that mean a 100% tough test?
In terms of parenting, this is “Tough Love”. It seems that what Tony said, is we will only receive help when coming from this place. It does make sense, only a complete need will produce complete bonding, which is limitless. That is asking – well, everything of us , so – is it really coming from a will to bestow?
“It is the feminine force, that would let me die, and the masculine one that wouldn’t no matter what.” – This thought just came to me saying “sharing”.
You know, you say so lightly “is a preparation” – and this takes the whole power out of me for years! And it is like a loop, can’t ovecome that point. What you say in a sentence is a process, is the experienced and felt experience, and it feels like death, because the me, the ego disappears. Although your structure and guidance fits to mine, in my experience as I am processing I see, feel and experience things more energeticaly and emotionaly, kind of my-way, so I sometimes I describe things from an emotional perpective, and dynamics of things. I am at a point where I feel I need a group of women, we go through in our way, you know, and there is so much need for expression, even creatively.
I even sense that I don’t want to make a step further alone, but I need to make it. But not alone.
Anyway, there is a trigger point: I am thought of the Creator, I am Love of Love and because I am like Him I have the power to create, and because we are connected I always receive what the Creator wants to bestowl and I use this to creating my own creation, so I give like I receive. It was not the Creator, who separated, for he only expands, but me, by puting the veils (managed by the ego) on the Truth pretending it is not there, and now I am playing the being-separated-from-Creator-play, playing being God within my creation. Because I wanted to consciously chose Him, consciously make every step of he path leading me Home. Do I really am oposite to Him?
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