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When my siblings and I were young our mother used to say”you ought to be ashamed of yourself!” Each of us had a maladaptive response to that. For me that shame led to a pattern of not wanting to expose what I perceived as my flaws/deficiencies to my partner, so in a very real sense it resulted in a certain amount of detachment so as to protect myself from that shame.
I really appreciated the part of the lesson about how we can develop more compassion for ourselves when we see our attitudinal and behavioral patterns as natural tendencies rather than judging them harshly; and that sharing these tender, fearful, embarrassing parts of ourselves with our partners give us genuine opportunities to connect and grow with each other, releasing us from internal pressure of hiding our what we view as our flaws.It’s easy to trace some of my ingrained egoistic tendencies back to my childhood or ways I found to get what I wanted as I grew up. Of course these habits are ultimately destructive in all my relationships but especially in my marriage. I can see a couple that definitely need to be transformed into expressions of love as opposed to expressions of my childish selfishness! They are so destructive to our relationship … but also so difficult to give up, since they are so well-entrenched and the brain patterns they evoke are so well-traveled, on autopilot and subconscious. But there is definitely hope through the wisdom of Kabbalah!
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