[Helen]

Gianni, thank you for the prayer.

I understand that we operate on two levels, corporeal and spiritual. Externally, we act through doctors or whatever situation it may be and do what is required, while internally recognizing that everything comes from the Creator.

Yet I am struggling with a subtle paradox: if even my thoughts, desires, impulses, and the direction I lean toward are all given by Him, how is my effort meaningful? In spiritual work, we are told that our only freedom is the speed of advancement, but isn’t that also predetermined? It feels like I am making choices, but in reality, even which way I lean is given.

My current understanding is that my “say” does not affect the outcome, the path, or the timing, but only my felt experience: the sense of “freedom”, the inner striving, and how I relate to what is given. Perhaps it is this experience of the awareness of “choosing” adhesion, of walking the path consciously, that is the real key to opening the gates of spirituality?

don’t worry, I will still act and do my best, as that is how I am wired/predetermined, but I would like confirmation: is this understanding correct? That the meaningful “participation” in spiritual work is in the felt engagement and inner experience, rather than in altering the path, outcome, timing, speed, or even the internal leaning?

[Helen]

Hi Gianni

I heard something from my doctor that I didn’t want to hear, and I need to go through more exams. But I found myself having no desire to pray for something like “please, no bad news,” as that feels like I would be telling the Creator: if this was your Plan A, change to Plan B. I found myself thinking: it is what it is — if He planned something, I surrender to it. I found myself having some emotions, but in a very calm way. I don’t even have any prayer… if anything, I feel a bit closer to Him. If anything, I will pray for strength and more adhesion.

But on the other hand, this is so against nature! I should have questioned why, I should have been asking for something else… Is my ego tricking me?

thanks

Helen

[Helen]

I understand more effort creates greater lack, but that lack still feels like it would only produce a mind level, ego driven prayer , such as: I wish I had this desire because it would make things easier…

how will that transform into a heartfelt prayer? Is it that by continuing the effort regardless, the light gradually works on me until the desire becomes more sincere and heartfelt on its own? I only need to worry about doing it and also it’s okay to have the ego driven prayer to start with?

[Helen]

Hi Gianni

in reference to below article. my question is: I totally see the lack of my capability to bestow, but I wonder how will that transition me to the lack of desire of bestow? it’s like I don’t like shrimp, I am asked to like the shrimp and I tried many times, all I can conclude is that I lack the capability and desire to like shrimp, nor do I have the capability to change my desire. why would this lack cause me to want to pray to have the desire for shrimp?

kabbalahmedia.info/en/sources/vK4btTLv

 

[Helen]

and the 125 steps will bring us back to the beginning of the world of Adam Kadmon correct? but that’s not even the correct stage, it’s only Mulchut?

[Helen]

then what is that state where there was Equivalence of Form between the Light and the desire?

[Author]

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