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Thank you, Gianni, what you wrote is very encouraging and calming for me.
I feel a strong yearning for a state where I only want to bestow, where bestowal feels so essential that without it life has no meaning. I had thought this kind of necessity might be Machsom, which is where my confusion came from I suppose.
Recently, both through corporeal situations and through time with my Ten, I often catch myself thinking: if I could forget about myself and truly care only about others, how liberating that would be. Ego doesn’t feel enjoyable to me. it feels painful, like wearing a garment with sharp spikes inward, hurting me with every movement. At the same time, I clearly see that I have no power to remove this garment; I feel enslaved by it. so is my yearning right now an egoistic yearning?
I sense that perhaps the beginning of the journey is simply recognizing this truth.  but I don’t yet understand how to relate correctly to this recognition in the work.
My question is: how should I use this state practically? Is it something to deepen, to hold, to turn into a request to the Creator, or simply to continue the regular work and let the Light arrange it over time?
thank you
Helen
Hi Gianni
is it important to understand certain terms in order to advance? for example we have been learning about Hanukkah and it’s meaning, but I get very confused about the difference between Hanukkah and Machsom, how are they different and how are they related. if you can help to explain, that would be great, but I wonder how important it is for me to understand those terms thoroughly, or just some basic understanding is good enough?
thanks
Helen
Hi Gianni
Rabash teaches us to work on loving the friends and seeing their greatness. I understand that through this work we eventually discover our inability to truly bestow, and that this lack becomes the vessel for the Creator’s help. Intellectually this makes sense to me. My question is about the ongoing fuel for the work: since my body only moves when it expects some benefit, and since I also understand that I must eventually discover failures, how does the method provide enough motivation(in addition to wanting to achieve the goal of  creation/correction) to work sincerely over time without collapsing into either despair or mechanical action?
thanks
Helen
thank you for that clarification. we were also advised to only elevate the friends, but not share our lowliness to avoid bring the entire Ten down. but if I do not know a friend’ state, how do I elective this friend? I recently shared an excerpt about how it was the creator who sent us wicked thoughts, then realized that a few friends were “suffering” silently. if we knew what each other had been going through, we probably would all just be honest and openly talking about it, instead of feeling low and lonely silently. we were given homework, our zoom calls are all centered around homework, it mostly talking with brain on knowledge side, what is Laban, what is Esau, what is Jacob etc. maybe we understood the rules wrong? it feels like we need heart to heart talk, share the spies we noticed in ourselves, share the obstacles we encountered, so we can identify our common deficiencies, then raise our common prayer.
so I guess my question is, what should we would (other than go to classes, join zoom calls, share excerpts, force ourselves to talk positively, act positively etc) are also considered bestowing? I know those ‘acting” are needed, but it feels like we also need something deeper.
Hi Gianni
it’s me again 🙂
So our correction is to aim for receiving in order to bestow to the Creator, and we can only achieve that through bestowing to the Ten. but I am not the Creator, the Creator bestows endless light/love to us, but me as a pure will to receive, what do I have that I can bestow to my friends?
thanks
Helen
