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Thank You Seth, I appreciate your thoughtful reply and will follow the advice you’ve given me.
Thank you again,John
Hi, I have a question about a recurring condition of the nervous system that’s caused me tremendous pain and suffering in this life. It started after I had a spiritual awakening 16 years ago. The first time it lasted 3 years 6 years later it came back and lasted 2 and a half. Both times the fallout in my life was tremendous. Last time I lost my fiancé, home, pets, job. It’s left me with complex trauma but God always brings me off the mat. I’ve just been getting my life in a better place and now it’s happened again. At each point I had prior a big spiritual opening but when in terrible constant pain it’s like I devolve into this creature who feels God is a million miles a way and superstition, fear, despair and confusion set in. Sadly it seems it has started up again. I have no resentments towards anyone in this life and I have a lot of love for all beings I feel it’s God doing the loving I see all that as Grace  but to go though this again and now at 51 and seeing opportunities in life pass me by I feel so much fear and anger for what feels like a cruel game. I’m just not sure how much more capacity for suffering I have left. I don’t know where or how to turn. Rely solely on God? Try as many healing modalities as I have resources for hoping they help and God is what brought me to them? It’s hard not to feel cursed. I feel like Job. The condition’s only supposed treatments are terrible medications with awful side effects other than that just time and now it seems it may be something chronic that will always be lurking in the background. The pain up and down my spine the indescribable burning sensations. The inability to sit still even though I’m exhausted. Is this the only way for me to be closer to God? I feel scared and forsaken. I’m sorry to write about such a dark topic, I just don’t know what to do. Thank You for any light you shed on this matter for me
John
Learning about bestowal and receiving. To receive to bestow. The path of light vs the path of suffering. Equivalency of form.
