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I find the short pieces with direct answers from the Rav to be iconoclastic in a good sense. I’ve learned about myself in this: I wasn’t ready for this approach, or the unavoidable logical conclusions of this study in my past.
Even now I have to pace myself. It is good that I want to pace myself, and not get frustrated: I re-watch videos, I reread sections and I hear and see things I didn’t before. Pretty consistently! In ordinary corporeal studies and topics this would concern me…the anxiety in college of sitting in a lecture with a technical book in front of me opened to the right page, the instructor droning on and filling the blackboard with equations and notations, and I realize if he were to stop and ask me a question I could not begin to respond! I look around the room and everybody else seems to be getting it–while I cannot make sense of the board, the book, or the words coming from the instructor. Fight or flight anxiety kicking up.
When that happens here I pause the video. I get up for a walk. I might not be back on topic for a day or two. I am not going to stress out over this material.
My wish for my fellow students is that they have the luxury of taking their time with their studies, find the pace that is best for them–I’m really glad to be here, hope they are too.
I am not accustomed to thinking of my soul as something outside of my body, much less a soul that only really exists as group-soul de facto, not as a mere concept of “we’re all part of one humanity” but actually. That my soul (either as me or as mine) has no independent existence, so is not really “I/me/mine”, but “us/we/ours.”
Not accustomed doesn’t mean I can’t conceptualize it. I would have rejected it out of hand for much of my life, or if this had been presented without the progression through the various classes here. But I got a taste of this while participating in group activity in the virtual version of the last “retreat” and I can’t deny it. Having the lectures and readings to elaborate on the science of what I experienced then has been reinforcing and appreciated.
It appears that my intention to connect to the friends leads to a connection where corporeal actions by me meant to benefit the friends are actually converted to light that does benefit them, while their collective intention and corporeal actions meant to benefit the group amplify combined converted light that benefits me as part of that group.
Frankly intimidating. Not the “1000’s of points in the heart” part, but all the time that I would not be aware of those points, but simply seeing that many people at once–strangers all to me today–in one place. The cacophony of various languages I don’t speak. The noise level, the hustle and bustle. If the vibe is good, then maybe I could relax eventually. But projecting myself as I am now into that scene–this will take some faith above reason on my part to attend.
Q: How is spreading the wisdom of Kabbalah related to fulfilling my private correction in the general system?
A: Being a conduit of higher light into this world “enlightens” the conduit, at least during the contact and passing of the light, then leaves the conduit with a sense of lacking–and a desire/resolve for more light, more passing of the light, (and perhaps not so desired but necessary more lacking)…in short, a virtuous cycle/circuit for the world, and for the conduit.
Q: What can we say about the light that reforms and by what means can we strengthen its influence?
A: Being a conduit of this light into this world via dissemination of authentic Kabbalah extends the influence beyond our perceived “self” boundaries, while increasing the capacity of our kli to receive more light. This in turn strengthens the influence for us, and for the world we share that light with.
